I’m just going to jump right into this and see what happens.
I'm Elena Gilbert and I'm a vampire, but I'm not a broken toy, STEFAN! (asshole implied) I love how the opening ended with an Original dimple flash. He is so charming in his evilness. The news of a possible Originals spinoff has the twitterverse in upheaval, but I couldn't be happier. This show has way too many incredible characters to maintain within it. Five minutes of Klaus sprinkled lightly here and there is doing nothing for my addiction to being called “Sweetheart” and the occasional pouty bat eyes. And before you ask, because I know you are dying to find out, I would recap the shit out of anything Klaus is involved in. Because I love you, Klaus. Call me!
Malaric (shut up, I’m still trying to make it happen, don’t judge me) tears through the forest, his fear and letterman jacket surrounds him. That’s not the only thing tearing right now as a newly hatched vampire ruins his fine football jacket, which makes the vamp’s death even more divine. Leave Matty alone! would be my rallying cry, except it doesn’t take him long to join #TeamAntiDamon and my hope for an Alaric (Drink!) replacement fades.
We return to earlier in the evening when the trio showed up at the newly minted Bite Me Bar and Grill, where you come for the burgers, but stay for the amusement of one highly impatient Original. We have a slightly pointless back and forth within the team about what happens next. Jeremy tries to flex his newly minted Team Badass muscles only to learn the lessons Damon has already printed on a t-shirt: 1. You Can’t Deny Klaus Anything and 2. You Will Have to do Some Seriously Morally Reprehensible Things to Save the Ones You Love. Neither lesson goes down very smoothly.
Klaus cheerleads for coach Damon’s abilities and I want to hate him, I truly do, but he is all smugly superior with an air of artificial detachment that is just too delicious for words. Damon gives that sigh we have all given at some point. The “god this sucks but I might as well just get it over with and hope I don’t die” kind of sigh. I usually reserve that for relatives visiting at the holidays, but being forced to take on a squadron of highly impulsive baby vamps may be almost as obnoxious. Go get the implements of death, boys! You know; stakes, vervain, wooden bullet guns, extended DVDs of Battleship.
We return to the scene of Matt bleeding and holding his neck. Not that time. No, not that one either. No, the one where Jeremy is hovering over him and telling him to suck it up, buttercup, because the sweet smell of your quarterback elixir is drawing in more vampires than the smell of freshly foamed mousse draws in Elijah. Damon sneaks up on the two and has no time for the blame game, because the other vampires are closing in and he knows it will eventually all fall on his shoulders. anyway. Matt, being the only human out there, rightly wants to beat feet up on out of there.
As the boys head to the lake house, Damon rips out a heart. I am beginning to not appreciate the symbolism of all of this, because it makes me think deep thoughts that bruise me. Damon rips out hearts. It’s really his thing, isn’t it? Is it because his heart has been battered and bruised so often that he wishes he could rip it out? He often speaks of the humanity switch and turning it off, but the reality is I can’t recall a single moment where Damon hasn’t felt immensely. He may cover it up with snark and blatant sexual innuendoes (don’t ever stop, Damon), but he feels. He feels everything and it is slowly killing him. The only balm to his soul has been Elena, but that is still unreal to him and I am sure he is just waiting for her to abandon him as well. He will be alone and this bleeding heart in his hand may as well be his own. He looks at it for a moment and I wonder if any of this is running through his mind?
A different GIlbert than expected saves Matty from the horrors of a life-ending hickey from a non-Mystic Falls Home Movie vampire. Can you imagine the degradation of having your life ended by a glorified extra? Too humiliating. They make it to the cabin in time to see a way sexier version of the Walking Dead headed their way. It’s like the kind of zombies that would walk out of an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog. I have been in some dive bars in my time (don’t ask), but I have never seen such a fit, hot, and well dressed patronage in my life. Where is the flannel and Git ‘er Done trucker hats? *eyes the wardrobe department suspiciously*
The sun is up and all vampires without a daywalker ring have gone into hiding. Damon is in no mood and quickly gets to the part of an argument where it is too late to negate what has happened, so let’s just finish this bitch. I loved Jeremy’s little chest puff when Damon calls him “Big Jere”. For all of his denial (Drink!), Jeremy still looks up to Damon and wants his approval. Elena is going to take Matt home, and then the remaining combo is going to go kill some bloodsuckers.
Look, the one thing Stefan still has to offer is his perfectly chiseled chest, so why in the ever-living fuck did he cover it up with a towel? I think he hates us. Rebekah is sprawled out on his bed reading his diary which I’m sure is full of “How can she not see I am the better brother? I may rip people’s heads off, but I never slept around.” or “Gosh, how will people know I am morally superior without a Gilbert Merit Badge attached to my arm?” and “I hate my brother and it has nothing to do with the fact I am a petulant child who only ever loved himself.” I snuggle up beside Rebekah and dream of the day the two of us will start a Burn Book the epicness of which will rival any that preceded it. I think we’ll start with Caroline, because right now I have the most shit to talk about her.
Stefan doesn’t even bother to deny that he is only done with Elena until he can fix her and mold her back into the scared little girl who hangs on his every word like it is gospel. Oh, and have I got words to say about his confrontation with Elena later. *grits teeth* Rebekah wants to steal the magic rock and force Professor Shane onto her side. She lays out the teams as she knows them, but it becomes apparent later that another is working here. (Want to know my guess? Tweet me and I’ll blab.)
Come on Bonnie, uses your breasts, I mean breath to meditate on how badly you want in his shadypants. And listen to the man who wants to raise people from the dead, Bonnie. You only “almost” killed April using magic of a questionable nature. Although he is correct in giving her magic a horrible grade, so that’s something. Did he just compel her? When he was discovering the secrets of avoiding it, was he also finding the ability to do it? Sheriff Liz comes in to break up this incredibly awkward moment and takes in Shane for questioning.
Team Badass/Dumbass (Oh, so close, Jeremy!) return to the bar and Jeremy is blatantly obvious in his heartbreak that his boy crush on Damon is not returned. He mopes that Damon doesn’t really care for him, but still smiles softly when Damon admits he wants Jeremy alive. The love Jeremy has for Damon will be apparent the rest of the episode.
The bar looks like the Boarding House after a #SBHParty, except with slightly less discarded clothing. I’m not sure why Kol felt the need to drag the bodies into the cooler, but that is where he waits to give his version of Original charm and cockiness. It is very interesting that all of the Originals have some version of an icy veneer to cover up all of the emotions the roil under the surface. None of them are as cold as this meat locker, but they wish you to believe they are.
Damon, again, just wants to avoid the bullshit and get to the point. *yadda yadda* Silas *yadda yadda* way bad mojo *yadda yadda* Kol is not having it. This Silas cult seems almost as batshit as Scientology, but with more followers. Kol threatens Jeremy and Damon gets into thumping mode. Don’t mess up the hair, Kol! It looks good this week!
“You’re all bottled up. You need a release.” If you don’t think Rebekah was already talking about fucking the emo right out of Stefan, then you don’t know my girl. His frustration over not finding the headstone is no match to his sexual frustration. I have to agree with Bex that Rippah Stefan, while a cold-blooded killer, is immensely more fun than this Stefan. Don’t get high, you two! It can affect, um, erectile fortitude. You get high /after/. How long have these two been around?
Liz knows there is nothing unimaginable in the possibilities for MF mayhem. The Mayor and his daughter are allowed to watch the interrogation because O.o and MFPD is stone cold ridiculous. Rudy begins to list the traits of a cult leader and they match up particularly well with Shane. Bonnie isn’t hearing it, because she is still caressing Shane’s bone. The 18 year old is then allowed to bust her way in, because of course, and take over the questioning. Shane immediately confesses to her. It is all for the greater good, you see. Girl, run.
*burns my Malaric t-shirts* Who else could have been left in charge to have a better outcome? There was no way this would end well, and Damon tried his best to have thing progress differently, but no one ever listens to him anyway, so what could he do? And throwing the “old” her in Elena’s face? The one that these idiots want her to be who isn’t nearly as badass? Fuck that noise. Upon hearing Damon is in trouble she goes directly to the patriarch to beg for his help. Klaus is in full Master of the Manor mode and it makes me warmer than the heat from that fireplace, especially when he uses the word “whilst”. *shivers* Elena demands and then realizes that is entirely the wrong approach to have with a man who has a Red Room of Pain, so switches to pleading. Atta girl. He is absolutely tickled at her submission and calls Kol off. I want Klaus to whisper threats to me anytime he chooses.
These Originals and their very carefully worded promises. Kol swears not to touch Jeremy, but he’ll make Damon do it. Kol’s hatred of Damon blinds him to Damon’s true feelings. Damon loves Elena this way, but he loves her any way. He also loves Jeremy. Kol got caught up in the perversion of his exploits and didn't stop long enough to see this was the worst vampire to choose to kill Jeremy. Damon loves Jeremy. You can see it in how he teases and taunts him, exactly like you would the younger brother you are annoyed by but would die for. More on that to come.
The Gilberts return to the family home. Jeremy is wounded to believe Damon doesn’t love him and is eyeing up Elena as another addition to his tattoo.
Damn, Rebekah, rub salt, vinegar, and vervain in the wound. Never call a woman crazy who has a knife to your neck unless you are also praising her sexual prowess. It is never a good idea to stick your dick in the crazy, but seeing as how this is Rebekah, I’ll allow it. The cockblocker actually serves another purpose by finding the Stone of Unrelenting Suckitude. Took him 2 minutes while Rebekah and Stefan had been there for hours. Does not bode well for their future success rate.
Is Jeremy here?! Can I see him?! Where’s Jere?! I’m not jumping your lady bits right now and that isn’t obvious at all! So now about Jeremy’s whereabouts...
I was going to tell you the truth right after I was done lying to you a whole bunch. After Shane goes full on crazy talk, he pulls out the Grams card. Oh, no he di’int. Isn’t it bad enough that Bad Bennett Magic killed her twice? The guilt is thick and manipulative and if you still think Shane has any redeemable moral code, you’re delusional.
Their eyes meet across a crowded Grill. He walks towards the younger man with a desire burning deep inside of him. The wanting, The craving. The need to thrust into him is all consuming. He goes to him...I think I just started my next slash fanfiction. Is it hot in here? A voice reaches out to him in his murderous fog. The only voice that can reach him. Maybe the sire-bond goes both ways? Jeremy is not aroused, nor amused by Damon’s single-minded focus on him and bounces. In the storage room Damon immediately puts it all together because he is the smartest person in this town and always right. Always. Jeremy has already headed towards the underground caverns and Damon is on his trail.
I will now expound on exactly how unselfish Damon is and how much he loves more than just Elena. If anything that Kol said were true, Jeremy would be dead already. Instead, Damon is warning him every step of the way. “Run. Get out. I can’t stop. Kill me.” He would die to protect this boy and it is not just for Elena’s love or approval. What does her approval matter if he is dead? That is the part Stefan has never understood. Death is a permanent separation and who gives a fuck about what dead people think? You have to live for any of it to matter, but Damon would die for them. This is not the first time he has offered to sacrifice himself, either. If you have ever wondered how little regard Damon has for himself, look back on all of the times he was willing to die for any of them. They sneer at him, thinking he is beneath contempt, but he would die for any of them. He values himself so little, that even those that never give him nor his feelings a second thought are believed more important in his eyes. Just as he does not waiver in his compulsive drive to kill Jeremy, he does not waiver in his hopes that Jeremy kills him first. He still feels himself so unworthy and it is heartbreaking.
The cockblocker refuses to talk and literally bit off his own tongue to avoid spilling his secrets. Still wondering who the other team is? I’m not. I’m positive.
Dark Bonnie for the win! I want this story so badly I can taste it. She harnesses the dark magic (shut it, Shane) and is beautiful in her ferocity. He continues to perform some kind of mind whammy on her and I long for the exact moment when this all bites him in the ass and Frankenstein loses control of his monster.
Elena reaches out to Stefan because she is still under the misguided impression that he gives a shit about anyone but himself. Rebekah answers the phone and that has to hurt, but he’s allowed to be with whomever he chooses. She lays out the situation and does her second round of begging for the day. He is nobly stoic as....HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I can’t even finish that sentence. Instead he and Rebekah have an off scene discussion of what is in their best interests before he takes action. Lovely.
Damon is still desperately trying to die. And now we see that his love for Jeremy is reciprocated. Jeremy had a hell of a time not killing Elena. Here is the perfect opportunity for him put down the man he supposedly hates. He pulls the trigger on what should be a very clean and neat kill. If the hunter drive is so strong and his hostility so deep, Damon should have nary a prayer.
Damon awakes to the kind of headache you normally have after a night of tequila shooters and questionable decision making. The best kind! He digs the bullet out of his skull and I wonder why everyone is trying to mess up his pretty hair this week. I would love for someone to put together a flowchart diagramming the progression of his “do” over time. I can’t decide if Civil War curls, or Season 1 Episode 2 rooftop flyaways are my favorite. (Thanks @BadWolfLil, @sexygodDamon, and @MsSmashley for this in depth discussion.) Anyhoo, Damon is furios in only the way you can be when someone you care for deeply is putting themselves at risk.
The standoff between Rebekah and Kol is not fraught with that much tension. No matter how our girl appears dismissive of feelings, she still has all of them in spades. She loves her family and would not betray them as they have betrayed her. And she is repaid by his own attempt to end her permanently. I fear she will never learn. Klaus interrupts and Kol is off, I believe taking the white oak stake with him. Interesting.
Goddamn these kids are constantly running in the woods at night. She is able to stop him again, this time with words of love. He wants so badly to keep from hurting Jeremy, but a small part of him may be hoping that Jeremy actually is able to kill him. The hesitation in his eyes when Elena speaks of their love is a recognition that it is not yet real in his mind. It could all just go away. The single taste of her sweetness may be the only one he ever has and he would rather die with that on his lips than live to roll the bitter flavor of rejection around in his mouth. Can you blame him? Jeremy aims and Stefan manages to turn what could have been an unselfish act into a dick measuring contest with his smug “You’re welcome.”
Damon awakens to see the face of the brother he loves reveling in the fact Stefan gets to torture and weaken him. How nice. Everything Stefan has done up until this point convinces me he is thrilled to death to have Damon out of the way until after the cure is found. You see, I have no doubt that in his mind he sees it as a simple plan. Get the cure, give it to Elena, she’ll come to her senses, and he gets to have her again. Now, he may say in a moment that this is the look of him not in love with her, but this has nothing to do with love. Stefan’s morality appears to work thusly - if I want you for myself, in some way, then you must be important enough for me to wear my mask of respectability. If I deem you unimportant to me, you get my true face. Every action he takes proves he still wants Elena for himself. But until he owns her again, she is nothing. No prior love, no previous friendship, no being a good person is relevant in this play. It is all about what he is getting from you in the moment. He is not getting Elena’s love, so she deserves nothing from him. I have had some bad break-ups in my time, including a recent one that has shaken me to my core, but I like to think we would not actively trying to ruin the other’s happiness. Oh, who am I kidding?
When Stefan says this is the second time Damon tried to kill Jeremy I have had enough. FUCK YOU, STEFAN! You get a fucking pass for trying to kill Elena when Klaus compelled you at MFHS, but Damon does not get the same consideration for Kol’s compulsion because he is beneath you and you can do no wrong and YOU ARE A HYPOCRITICAL, SANCTIMONIOUS PRICK AND WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER! The first time Damon tried to kill Jeremy was unforgivable on many levels, except that Jeremy did forgive him. In that moment in Elena’s bedroom, Jeremy and Damon understood each other. Both saw lost souls wanting to shut it all out. Damon knew Jeremy would come back as a vampire. He should not have done it and it was a bad act, but the two main characters in that act have made peace with it. As to the rest of you who come into my mentions to lecture me on how saintly Stefan is and how horrible Damon is, stop it. Don’t. You are wrong and only embarrassing yourself. Take off the rose-colored glasses you placed on your face somewhere around episode 1 and see him for who he really is. Stop thinking the only deaths that matter are the ones of people you know. Stefan killed many little brothers, older sisters, matronly aunts, and bourbon drinking history teachers. He is a monster. He is a much worse monster than Damon because he makes excuses for every one of his crimes. “I own my own guilt” was the greatest line ever uttered on a show about vampires. Until Stefan owns his guilt and stops trying to lay it at the feet of everyone else, maybe he will earn that hero hair he wears so self-righteously.
Bonnie’s father changes his mind and decides to trust Shane. That should end well.
“Good evening, Gilbert clan.” Oh, Klaus. I will follow you to the ends of the earth, but especially to New Orleans, as long as you promise to continue to talk close and low, making my insides quiver. He offers to take Jeremy under his protective wing and finish that mark post haste. The Gilberts say they can do this themselves. Uh oh.
Stefan and Rebekah have crazy sex and I guess this is hot, but I am so angry with him I cannot appreciate a moment of it.
AND THIS IS WHY VAMPIRE ELENA IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN HUMAN ELENA. If this sire bond causes her to think as rationally and as brilliantly as Damon, then I may have to change my perception of it. I love Nate and I think the decision to raise Silas is idiotic on 100 levels, but Kol needs to die.
Atta girl.
I'm Elena Gilbert and I'm a vampire, but I'm not a broken toy, STEFAN! (asshole implied) I love how the opening ended with an Original dimple flash. He is so charming in his evilness. The news of a possible Originals spinoff has the twitterverse in upheaval, but I couldn't be happier. This show has way too many incredible characters to maintain within it. Five minutes of Klaus sprinkled lightly here and there is doing nothing for my addiction to being called “Sweetheart” and the occasional pouty bat eyes. And before you ask, because I know you are dying to find out, I would recap the shit out of anything Klaus is involved in. Because I love you, Klaus. Call me!
Malaric (shut up, I’m still trying to make it happen, don’t judge me) tears through the forest, his fear and letterman jacket surrounds him. That’s not the only thing tearing right now as a newly hatched vampire ruins his fine football jacket, which makes the vamp’s death even more divine. Leave Matty alone! would be my rallying cry, except it doesn’t take him long to join #TeamAntiDamon and my hope for an Alaric (Drink!) replacement fades.
We return to earlier in the evening when the trio showed up at the newly minted Bite Me Bar and Grill, where you come for the burgers, but stay for the amusement of one highly impatient Original. We have a slightly pointless back and forth within the team about what happens next. Jeremy tries to flex his newly minted Team Badass muscles only to learn the lessons Damon has already printed on a t-shirt: 1. You Can’t Deny Klaus Anything and 2. You Will Have to do Some Seriously Morally Reprehensible Things to Save the Ones You Love. Neither lesson goes down very smoothly.
Klaus cheerleads for coach Damon’s abilities and I want to hate him, I truly do, but he is all smugly superior with an air of artificial detachment that is just too delicious for words. Damon gives that sigh we have all given at some point. The “god this sucks but I might as well just get it over with and hope I don’t die” kind of sigh. I usually reserve that for relatives visiting at the holidays, but being forced to take on a squadron of highly impulsive baby vamps may be almost as obnoxious. Go get the implements of death, boys! You know; stakes, vervain, wooden bullet guns, extended DVDs of Battleship.
We return to the scene of Matt bleeding and holding his neck. Not that time. No, not that one either. No, the one where Jeremy is hovering over him and telling him to suck it up, buttercup, because the sweet smell of your quarterback elixir is drawing in more vampires than the smell of freshly foamed mousse draws in Elijah. Damon sneaks up on the two and has no time for the blame game, because the other vampires are closing in and he knows it will eventually all fall on his shoulders. anyway. Matt, being the only human out there, rightly wants to beat feet up on out of there.
As the boys head to the lake house, Damon rips out a heart. I am beginning to not appreciate the symbolism of all of this, because it makes me think deep thoughts that bruise me. Damon rips out hearts. It’s really his thing, isn’t it? Is it because his heart has been battered and bruised so often that he wishes he could rip it out? He often speaks of the humanity switch and turning it off, but the reality is I can’t recall a single moment where Damon hasn’t felt immensely. He may cover it up with snark and blatant sexual innuendoes (don’t ever stop, Damon), but he feels. He feels everything and it is slowly killing him. The only balm to his soul has been Elena, but that is still unreal to him and I am sure he is just waiting for her to abandon him as well. He will be alone and this bleeding heart in his hand may as well be his own. He looks at it for a moment and I wonder if any of this is running through his mind?
A different GIlbert than expected saves Matty from the horrors of a life-ending hickey from a non-Mystic Falls Home Movie vampire. Can you imagine the degradation of having your life ended by a glorified extra? Too humiliating. They make it to the cabin in time to see a way sexier version of the Walking Dead headed their way. It’s like the kind of zombies that would walk out of an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog. I have been in some dive bars in my time (don’t ask), but I have never seen such a fit, hot, and well dressed patronage in my life. Where is the flannel and Git ‘er Done trucker hats? *eyes the wardrobe department suspiciously*
The sun is up and all vampires without a daywalker ring have gone into hiding. Damon is in no mood and quickly gets to the part of an argument where it is too late to negate what has happened, so let’s just finish this bitch. I loved Jeremy’s little chest puff when Damon calls him “Big Jere”. For all of his denial (Drink!), Jeremy still looks up to Damon and wants his approval. Elena is going to take Matt home, and then the remaining combo is going to go kill some bloodsuckers.
Look, the one thing Stefan still has to offer is his perfectly chiseled chest, so why in the ever-living fuck did he cover it up with a towel? I think he hates us. Rebekah is sprawled out on his bed reading his diary which I’m sure is full of “How can she not see I am the better brother? I may rip people’s heads off, but I never slept around.” or “Gosh, how will people know I am morally superior without a Gilbert Merit Badge attached to my arm?” and “I hate my brother and it has nothing to do with the fact I am a petulant child who only ever loved himself.” I snuggle up beside Rebekah and dream of the day the two of us will start a Burn Book the epicness of which will rival any that preceded it. I think we’ll start with Caroline, because right now I have the most shit to talk about her.
Stefan doesn’t even bother to deny that he is only done with Elena until he can fix her and mold her back into the scared little girl who hangs on his every word like it is gospel. Oh, and have I got words to say about his confrontation with Elena later. *grits teeth* Rebekah wants to steal the magic rock and force Professor Shane onto her side. She lays out the teams as she knows them, but it becomes apparent later that another is working here. (Want to know my guess? Tweet me and I’ll blab.)
Come on Bonnie, uses your breasts, I mean breath to meditate on how badly you want in his shadypants. And listen to the man who wants to raise people from the dead, Bonnie. You only “almost” killed April using magic of a questionable nature. Although he is correct in giving her magic a horrible grade, so that’s something. Did he just compel her? When he was discovering the secrets of avoiding it, was he also finding the ability to do it? Sheriff Liz comes in to break up this incredibly awkward moment and takes in Shane for questioning.
Team Badass/Dumbass (Oh, so close, Jeremy!) return to the bar and Jeremy is blatantly obvious in his heartbreak that his boy crush on Damon is not returned. He mopes that Damon doesn’t really care for him, but still smiles softly when Damon admits he wants Jeremy alive. The love Jeremy has for Damon will be apparent the rest of the episode.
The bar looks like the Boarding House after a #SBHParty, except with slightly less discarded clothing. I’m not sure why Kol felt the need to drag the bodies into the cooler, but that is where he waits to give his version of Original charm and cockiness. It is very interesting that all of the Originals have some version of an icy veneer to cover up all of the emotions the roil under the surface. None of them are as cold as this meat locker, but they wish you to believe they are.
Damon, again, just wants to avoid the bullshit and get to the point. *yadda yadda* Silas *yadda yadda* way bad mojo *yadda yadda* Kol is not having it. This Silas cult seems almost as batshit as Scientology, but with more followers. Kol threatens Jeremy and Damon gets into thumping mode. Don’t mess up the hair, Kol! It looks good this week!
“You’re all bottled up. You need a release.” If you don’t think Rebekah was already talking about fucking the emo right out of Stefan, then you don’t know my girl. His frustration over not finding the headstone is no match to his sexual frustration. I have to agree with Bex that Rippah Stefan, while a cold-blooded killer, is immensely more fun than this Stefan. Don’t get high, you two! It can affect, um, erectile fortitude. You get high /after/. How long have these two been around?
Liz knows there is nothing unimaginable in the possibilities for MF mayhem. The Mayor and his daughter are allowed to watch the interrogation because O.o and MFPD is stone cold ridiculous. Rudy begins to list the traits of a cult leader and they match up particularly well with Shane. Bonnie isn’t hearing it, because she is still caressing Shane’s bone. The 18 year old is then allowed to bust her way in, because of course, and take over the questioning. Shane immediately confesses to her. It is all for the greater good, you see. Girl, run.
*burns my Malaric t-shirts* Who else could have been left in charge to have a better outcome? There was no way this would end well, and Damon tried his best to have thing progress differently, but no one ever listens to him anyway, so what could he do? And throwing the “old” her in Elena’s face? The one that these idiots want her to be who isn’t nearly as badass? Fuck that noise. Upon hearing Damon is in trouble she goes directly to the patriarch to beg for his help. Klaus is in full Master of the Manor mode and it makes me warmer than the heat from that fireplace, especially when he uses the word “whilst”. *shivers* Elena demands and then realizes that is entirely the wrong approach to have with a man who has a Red Room of Pain, so switches to pleading. Atta girl. He is absolutely tickled at her submission and calls Kol off. I want Klaus to whisper threats to me anytime he chooses.
These Originals and their very carefully worded promises. Kol swears not to touch Jeremy, but he’ll make Damon do it. Kol’s hatred of Damon blinds him to Damon’s true feelings. Damon loves Elena this way, but he loves her any way. He also loves Jeremy. Kol got caught up in the perversion of his exploits and didn't stop long enough to see this was the worst vampire to choose to kill Jeremy. Damon loves Jeremy. You can see it in how he teases and taunts him, exactly like you would the younger brother you are annoyed by but would die for. More on that to come.
The Gilberts return to the family home. Jeremy is wounded to believe Damon doesn’t love him and is eyeing up Elena as another addition to his tattoo.
Damn, Rebekah, rub salt, vinegar, and vervain in the wound. Never call a woman crazy who has a knife to your neck unless you are also praising her sexual prowess. It is never a good idea to stick your dick in the crazy, but seeing as how this is Rebekah, I’ll allow it. The cockblocker actually serves another purpose by finding the Stone of Unrelenting Suckitude. Took him 2 minutes while Rebekah and Stefan had been there for hours. Does not bode well for their future success rate.
Is Jeremy here?! Can I see him?! Where’s Jere?! I’m not jumping your lady bits right now and that isn’t obvious at all! So now about Jeremy’s whereabouts...
I was going to tell you the truth right after I was done lying to you a whole bunch. After Shane goes full on crazy talk, he pulls out the Grams card. Oh, no he di’int. Isn’t it bad enough that Bad Bennett Magic killed her twice? The guilt is thick and manipulative and if you still think Shane has any redeemable moral code, you’re delusional.
Their eyes meet across a crowded Grill. He walks towards the younger man with a desire burning deep inside of him. The wanting, The craving. The need to thrust into him is all consuming. He goes to him...I think I just started my next slash fanfiction. Is it hot in here? A voice reaches out to him in his murderous fog. The only voice that can reach him. Maybe the sire-bond goes both ways? Jeremy is not aroused, nor amused by Damon’s single-minded focus on him and bounces. In the storage room Damon immediately puts it all together because he is the smartest person in this town and always right. Always. Jeremy has already headed towards the underground caverns and Damon is on his trail.
I will now expound on exactly how unselfish Damon is and how much he loves more than just Elena. If anything that Kol said were true, Jeremy would be dead already. Instead, Damon is warning him every step of the way. “Run. Get out. I can’t stop. Kill me.” He would die to protect this boy and it is not just for Elena’s love or approval. What does her approval matter if he is dead? That is the part Stefan has never understood. Death is a permanent separation and who gives a fuck about what dead people think? You have to live for any of it to matter, but Damon would die for them. This is not the first time he has offered to sacrifice himself, either. If you have ever wondered how little regard Damon has for himself, look back on all of the times he was willing to die for any of them. They sneer at him, thinking he is beneath contempt, but he would die for any of them. He values himself so little, that even those that never give him nor his feelings a second thought are believed more important in his eyes. Just as he does not waiver in his compulsive drive to kill Jeremy, he does not waiver in his hopes that Jeremy kills him first. He still feels himself so unworthy and it is heartbreaking.
The cockblocker refuses to talk and literally bit off his own tongue to avoid spilling his secrets. Still wondering who the other team is? I’m not. I’m positive.
Dark Bonnie for the win! I want this story so badly I can taste it. She harnesses the dark magic (shut it, Shane) and is beautiful in her ferocity. He continues to perform some kind of mind whammy on her and I long for the exact moment when this all bites him in the ass and Frankenstein loses control of his monster.
Elena reaches out to Stefan because she is still under the misguided impression that he gives a shit about anyone but himself. Rebekah answers the phone and that has to hurt, but he’s allowed to be with whomever he chooses. She lays out the situation and does her second round of begging for the day. He is nobly stoic as....HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I can’t even finish that sentence. Instead he and Rebekah have an off scene discussion of what is in their best interests before he takes action. Lovely.
Damon is still desperately trying to die. And now we see that his love for Jeremy is reciprocated. Jeremy had a hell of a time not killing Elena. Here is the perfect opportunity for him put down the man he supposedly hates. He pulls the trigger on what should be a very clean and neat kill. If the hunter drive is so strong and his hostility so deep, Damon should have nary a prayer.
Damon awakes to the kind of headache you normally have after a night of tequila shooters and questionable decision making. The best kind! He digs the bullet out of his skull and I wonder why everyone is trying to mess up his pretty hair this week. I would love for someone to put together a flowchart diagramming the progression of his “do” over time. I can’t decide if Civil War curls, or Season 1 Episode 2 rooftop flyaways are my favorite. (Thanks @BadWolfLil, @sexygodDamon, and @MsSmashley for this in depth discussion.) Anyhoo, Damon is furios in only the way you can be when someone you care for deeply is putting themselves at risk.
The standoff between Rebekah and Kol is not fraught with that much tension. No matter how our girl appears dismissive of feelings, she still has all of them in spades. She loves her family and would not betray them as they have betrayed her. And she is repaid by his own attempt to end her permanently. I fear she will never learn. Klaus interrupts and Kol is off, I believe taking the white oak stake with him. Interesting.
Goddamn these kids are constantly running in the woods at night. She is able to stop him again, this time with words of love. He wants so badly to keep from hurting Jeremy, but a small part of him may be hoping that Jeremy actually is able to kill him. The hesitation in his eyes when Elena speaks of their love is a recognition that it is not yet real in his mind. It could all just go away. The single taste of her sweetness may be the only one he ever has and he would rather die with that on his lips than live to roll the bitter flavor of rejection around in his mouth. Can you blame him? Jeremy aims and Stefan manages to turn what could have been an unselfish act into a dick measuring contest with his smug “You’re welcome.”
Damon awakens to see the face of the brother he loves reveling in the fact Stefan gets to torture and weaken him. How nice. Everything Stefan has done up until this point convinces me he is thrilled to death to have Damon out of the way until after the cure is found. You see, I have no doubt that in his mind he sees it as a simple plan. Get the cure, give it to Elena, she’ll come to her senses, and he gets to have her again. Now, he may say in a moment that this is the look of him not in love with her, but this has nothing to do with love. Stefan’s morality appears to work thusly - if I want you for myself, in some way, then you must be important enough for me to wear my mask of respectability. If I deem you unimportant to me, you get my true face. Every action he takes proves he still wants Elena for himself. But until he owns her again, she is nothing. No prior love, no previous friendship, no being a good person is relevant in this play. It is all about what he is getting from you in the moment. He is not getting Elena’s love, so she deserves nothing from him. I have had some bad break-ups in my time, including a recent one that has shaken me to my core, but I like to think we would not actively trying to ruin the other’s happiness. Oh, who am I kidding?
When Stefan says this is the second time Damon tried to kill Jeremy I have had enough. FUCK YOU, STEFAN! You get a fucking pass for trying to kill Elena when Klaus compelled you at MFHS, but Damon does not get the same consideration for Kol’s compulsion because he is beneath you and you can do no wrong and YOU ARE A HYPOCRITICAL, SANCTIMONIOUS PRICK AND WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER! The first time Damon tried to kill Jeremy was unforgivable on many levels, except that Jeremy did forgive him. In that moment in Elena’s bedroom, Jeremy and Damon understood each other. Both saw lost souls wanting to shut it all out. Damon knew Jeremy would come back as a vampire. He should not have done it and it was a bad act, but the two main characters in that act have made peace with it. As to the rest of you who come into my mentions to lecture me on how saintly Stefan is and how horrible Damon is, stop it. Don’t. You are wrong and only embarrassing yourself. Take off the rose-colored glasses you placed on your face somewhere around episode 1 and see him for who he really is. Stop thinking the only deaths that matter are the ones of people you know. Stefan killed many little brothers, older sisters, matronly aunts, and bourbon drinking history teachers. He is a monster. He is a much worse monster than Damon because he makes excuses for every one of his crimes. “I own my own guilt” was the greatest line ever uttered on a show about vampires. Until Stefan owns his guilt and stops trying to lay it at the feet of everyone else, maybe he will earn that hero hair he wears so self-righteously.
Bonnie’s father changes his mind and decides to trust Shane. That should end well.
“Good evening, Gilbert clan.” Oh, Klaus. I will follow you to the ends of the earth, but especially to New Orleans, as long as you promise to continue to talk close and low, making my insides quiver. He offers to take Jeremy under his protective wing and finish that mark post haste. The Gilberts say they can do this themselves. Uh oh.
Stefan and Rebekah have crazy sex and I guess this is hot, but I am so angry with him I cannot appreciate a moment of it.
AND THIS IS WHY VAMPIRE ELENA IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN HUMAN ELENA. If this sire bond causes her to think as rationally and as brilliantly as Damon, then I may have to change my perception of it. I love Nate and I think the decision to raise Silas is idiotic on 100 levels, but Kol needs to die.
Atta girl.