I don’t know if it is something in the water, probably not vervain, but this entire home movie had me thinking about various different pairings of people in Mystic Falls. I wonder why this was my fixation for the evening, besides the incredible hotness of the various players. OK, it may just be the incredible hotness. Well, buckle up.
How humiliating for Tyler. Klaus is no longer inside of him and he has to wear one of those backless hospital gowns. How was he even admitted? Also, why didn’t Tyler just hit the road when he heard Connor enter? He has ninja werewolf vampire skills and yet this dude has gotten the jump on him twice. Now Connor is just cold, sucking the fluid out of Tyler. (shut up, you perverts). Do you think he has a science lab in his Evil RV of Doom?
Raise your hand if you totally thought Jeremy had a new bong setup at the beginning of this scene. Nope, just Connor brewing up some sort of crap that will have everyone tripping balls.
So Stefan is willing to acknowledge that all is not rainbow fairy tales in Stelenaland. Gee, do you think part of her depression might have something to do with the fact that:
A-She died
B-You made her ass sleep in the forest
C-She keeps on puking up blood
D-You are the world’s worst vampire or
E-All of the above?
Although his idea to put a large piece of vibrating machinery between her thighs is not the worst idea in the world. After a bit of snarky Hunter threatening, (Damon wants to eat him - put your hands down, he’s not eating you, too.) Damon reminds Stefan of their agreement and Stefan admits he needs Damon to clean up his own mess with Elena. OK, maybe not in that many words, but he’ll get there later. It’s just one more selfless person not giving a good goddamn over how much pain selfish Damon is in. “We need you, Damon, because we can’t tie our shoes without screwing up. So sorry about your broken and destroyed heart. Stick around so you can watch me make out with the woman you love.” And Damon is all, “Nope. I’m outy.”
Hey, isn’t it funny how Elena doesn’t hump Matt’s leg while she sucks on his wrist? That’s got to be just a fluke, right? Now, make-out field is no Mystic Grill bathroom, but I’m thinking it may have something to do with the donor.
And who are these surly gentlemen in Lockwood Mansion? It’s Klaus! I squeal like the biggest fangirl and hug the movie screen. Even better, he is wearing one of Stefan’s emo, moping hoodies. Guys, they are so totally doing it on the downlow. Even better, it is surly, soft spoken bitter Klaus.
Alaric! Drink! Thankfully we will not have a repeat of last week’s ending, because my cold, dead soul can’t take the abuse. To brighten up the mood comes my personal ray of sunshine, Rebekah, to torment Elena. Elena is the heroine and I should be rooting for her, but just like Jeremy I have yet to forgive the sins of last season. “Maybe that’s the problem” still makes my blood boil, so I’ll allow everything that Bex does to Elena in this movie night. Oh, Elena, she is so much better at this than you. This is another reason you should spend more time with Damon. His sharp tongue has several uses. “Your boyfriend liked me once. Actually more than once.” Boom! I heart, Bex and her pencil throwing skills, making my parts all tingly. By the way, didn’t Rebekah help Elena complete her transition in the first Home Movie of this series? If you are not in “Team Self-Righteous” nothing you do matters.
And the hits keep coming! While Stefan goes to see why Conner is stalking Jeremy, Elena spends another episode in the bathroom mopping up blood. In enters what turns out to be Round 2 of “Let’s Taunt the New Vampire” in the form a teen (Heather) bleeding all over the place. Rebekah wiping a face-full of blood all over Elena was gross and yet I can’t stay mad at a gal who makes a dodgeball joke.
While a strange man shoves a teen into a classroom in the middle of the school day, I wonder why don’t the Gilberts have a Social Worker? And does this school have any teachers now that Alaric’s dead? (Alaric! Drink!) And why would Connor just assume Jeremy would be all, “Sure, guy I don’t know, I’ll hunt down a bloodsucking fiend and bring him to you. Should I also lasso you a unicorn?” No, Caroline, no one is torturing you this week.
Goddamn it Connor! Stepping up from shirt ruining to leather jacket shooting? Next thing you know he’s going to set all the bourbon in Mystic Falls on fire and Damon will be truly pissy.
OMG, fun? Stefan wants to have fun? Who has been slipping him happy pills? And you all know I love Caroline more than Damon loves his Persian rugs, but Stefan is NOT good at this. Have we forgotten that it was only weeks ago that he brought the wrath of Klaus down on Mystic Falls by stealing the coffins and setting in motion all the bullshit of the second half of film season 3? Stefan’s need for revenge had him almost driving Elena off of Wickory Bridge, which HE HAS NOT EVEN APOLOGIZED FOR! But we’re supposed to act like he is all zen buddha?
FAYE! IT’S FAYE YOU GUYS! My world is complete. I have already shipped her with 3 different people in Mystic Falls in my mind and she’s only said one line. I have also shipped her with me, but that is a different storyline altogether. Before you ask, yes, I will call her Faye until I get over the sorrow of The Secret Circle finally getting good and then being replaced by the abomination of Beauty and the Beast. Side note: Did anyone else lose their ever loving mind when the first episode of BatB ended with Florence & the Machine’s “Never Let Me Go?” Yep. The new show after Mystic Falls Home Movies used possibly the most iconic song of the show preceding it IN THE FIRST EPISODE when we don’t give a shit about these people. Sorry, end rant.
Where were we? Ah, yes, Faye-gasm. I’ll let everyone wrap their minds around her chaining Tyler up all over the place before we proceed. (And yes, the husky way she said it implies they totally used those chains as foreplay.) She is eyeing up that mansion like she has already picked out new drapes. What I wouldn’t give to watch a family dinner night where Carol and Faye claw each other’s eyes out verbally.
After this next scene I may have mentioned on twitter that Damon and Meredith need to #GriefBang so they can both call out Alaric’s name during completion. This did not go over well with some people and I would like to defend my argument. Nobody loved Alaric like Damon, but Meredith was growing to care for him and they both need to have some comfort. If they find it in each other, even better. Besides, I would like for Elena to not be the center of Damon’s world for 5 minutes to see how she copes. I’d imagine not well. Even more than all of that, Meredith is the first person to recognize the unselfish streak in Damon that he covers up with sarcasm and bravado. Yep, Damon gets to risk his life for people who do not appreciate him on any level and Stefan gets to run around with his hero hair playing Saint. It sucks and she sees it. I am now in love with Meredith.
Rebekah is unsuccessful in her attempts to flirt with Matt and we are all reminded that this vicious bitch is really just a girl who has been dragged around by her brother for 1000 years with no real friends. My love for Matt is taken down a notch when during his weekly neck-throttle he outs Bex as a vampire. That’s really going to suck when she buys him a new truck. Not a spoiler, people, but you know it’s happening. Have none of you read my fanfiction?
“Yours is better than Stefan’s” This is the only thing I’ve gotten from this scene. When Elena storms out after eye-fucking Damon, I stay behind for the show because I am not an idiot.
As Connor whittles on his big stick, Jeremy moves into set him up for whatever perfect plan Damon has that someone else will fuck up.
Rebekah is throwing a kegger. If that doesn't prove to you how needy she is, I don't know what will. At least Stefan uses this as an opportunity to jack some poor dudes beer so that Elena can suck on his backwash. Much better than an apology for what he put her through.
While Caroline tries to get some Tyler nookie, Klaus comes face-to-face with Faye. If these two ever get to making out, I will orgasm all over this blog. You have been warned. Klaus quickly puts two and two together to come up with 69 and I am all kinds of giggly over his perception and his dimples. I know people are pissed Tyler cheated on Caroline, and that was a shitty thing to do, but now Caroline can have angry sex with Klaus guilt free. Can I get an “Amen!”?
April shows she isn’t from Mystic Falls by realizing something is fishy about the gas leak story and in slinks Bex. Holy shit, she stole Elena’s daywalker ring and throws it in the garbage disposal! I am dying here! Why don’t more people go for the ring? Was that a piece of Elena’s skin floating in that last shot? Ew. She quickly gets the ring back and goes to white oak stake Rebekah when Stefan stops her. Elena chooses to follow the lead of totally calm Stefan, but does a fine keg stand on the way out, finally ingesting the poison that has been telegraphed all through these scenes.
Klaus calls “Hayley” fetching which ups the ante on my fantasy match up. What I enjoyed most of all in this scene is not so much the confrontation, or the way Klaus said “sexual tension” but the look of sheer disbelief on Klaus’s face that someone would cheat on Caroline. Klaus answers the phone and banters with Damon and my heart has stopped beating. You guys, Klaus and Damon are going to team up! They are going to fight crime, trade quips and kiss. Alot. (Where the hell did that come from?)
Someone needs to teach Elena to be a good vampire and motorcycle rider. You do not remove your crotch from the large vibrating machinery. Jesus, kids today.
Damon gets the jump on Connor for the setup of another doomed plan, but we’ll come back to that.
Still all pent up after not getting the proper riding she needs, Elena attacks Stefan, but before I can go hurl in the forest again, something amazing happens. My notes say something like DAMON DAMON DAMON DAMON DELENA DELENA DELENA DELENA and I’m not sure I can be more coherent on rewatch. As we’ll see with Bex, these delusions are NOT random, but pulling from the dark recesses of their minds. The wants and fears they are trying to subjugate quite unsuccessfully. Atta girl.
Admittedly I didn’t realize at first this was a hallucination for Bex, but it is even more incredibly powerful this way. These are all of Rebekah’s insecurities made manifest, what she truly thinks about herself and it is ugly. She is so insecure and fragile, she was willing to let her brother treat her like hell forever, just so she would have someone to love her. When she has the brief meeting with April later on, I immediately decide these two need to become best friends and be on Prom Court together. (Not Porn Court @thomascgalvin, but thanks for the image.)
After seeing this interaction who doesn’t now agree with me about Klaus and Damon? Put your hand down Elena. Even Caroline is all ready for the slash fiction. The banter is cheeky, witty, and hot enough to burn through the screen. Klaus, having been around like forever, recognizes the marking and other details mentioned by Damon. Of course there is more to the story of Connor Vampire Hunter and Klaus is figuring on some way to use it to his advantage. Damon is going to be so pissed when he finds the new member of #TeamBadass has already betrayed him. I, of course, will forgive Klaus anything if he continues to softly whisper his way through dialog with that ovary bursting accent.
Even in hallucinations Damon is smarter than everyone else. Will Elena listen to him? Do either of them pick up immediately on the fact that the only way Klaus is helping them right now is because he still thinks he can get something from Elena. I think I can see where this story is going and I will just pee myself if the writers go for it. I even think I see the way it will go horribly wrong. This season may be the death, or un-death of me. *hint hint*
After inspecting the damage done and patting Jeremy on the head (Who’s a part of #Team Badass? Yes you are. Yes, you cute little thing.), Damon gets his Alaric (Drink!) lecture from Meredith. Now I’ve already said I love Meredith, but it’s not Damon’s pride that has left him alone. Shall I list all the times Damon has opened himself up to people only to have his heart ripped out? It’s not Damon’s capacity for pride that is his downfall, it’s his capacity for love.
Stefan can really make me scream sometimes. I get that he wants to help Elena and FINALLY admits that he is in no position to teach Elena how to enjoy life, This is very admirable and big of him. But, wait! There is a catch of course! Let’s have my brother who is in love with my girlfriend become her teacher. That won’t be painful at all for him and further torture his already damaged soul. The correct way to do this would be to let her go to explore what her needs are now as a vampire, but I have a feeling he is is not truly cutting her free. I may forgive him for this additional vervaining of Damon’s heart for the fact that it lead to this line:
“And I’m going to teach you” Be sure to mumble this in your dreams until Episode 4x04.
How humiliating for Tyler. Klaus is no longer inside of him and he has to wear one of those backless hospital gowns. How was he even admitted? Also, why didn’t Tyler just hit the road when he heard Connor enter? He has ninja werewolf vampire skills and yet this dude has gotten the jump on him twice. Now Connor is just cold, sucking the fluid out of Tyler. (shut up, you perverts). Do you think he has a science lab in his Evil RV of Doom?
Raise your hand if you totally thought Jeremy had a new bong setup at the beginning of this scene. Nope, just Connor brewing up some sort of crap that will have everyone tripping balls.
So Stefan is willing to acknowledge that all is not rainbow fairy tales in Stelenaland. Gee, do you think part of her depression might have something to do with the fact that:
A-She died
B-You made her ass sleep in the forest
C-She keeps on puking up blood
D-You are the world’s worst vampire or
E-All of the above?
Although his idea to put a large piece of vibrating machinery between her thighs is not the worst idea in the world. After a bit of snarky Hunter threatening, (Damon wants to eat him - put your hands down, he’s not eating you, too.) Damon reminds Stefan of their agreement and Stefan admits he needs Damon to clean up his own mess with Elena. OK, maybe not in that many words, but he’ll get there later. It’s just one more selfless person not giving a good goddamn over how much pain selfish Damon is in. “We need you, Damon, because we can’t tie our shoes without screwing up. So sorry about your broken and destroyed heart. Stick around so you can watch me make out with the woman you love.” And Damon is all, “Nope. I’m outy.”
Hey, isn’t it funny how Elena doesn’t hump Matt’s leg while she sucks on his wrist? That’s got to be just a fluke, right? Now, make-out field is no Mystic Grill bathroom, but I’m thinking it may have something to do with the donor.
And who are these surly gentlemen in Lockwood Mansion? It’s Klaus! I squeal like the biggest fangirl and hug the movie screen. Even better, he is wearing one of Stefan’s emo, moping hoodies. Guys, they are so totally doing it on the downlow. Even better, it is surly, soft spoken bitter Klaus.
Alaric! Drink! Thankfully we will not have a repeat of last week’s ending, because my cold, dead soul can’t take the abuse. To brighten up the mood comes my personal ray of sunshine, Rebekah, to torment Elena. Elena is the heroine and I should be rooting for her, but just like Jeremy I have yet to forgive the sins of last season. “Maybe that’s the problem” still makes my blood boil, so I’ll allow everything that Bex does to Elena in this movie night. Oh, Elena, she is so much better at this than you. This is another reason you should spend more time with Damon. His sharp tongue has several uses. “Your boyfriend liked me once. Actually more than once.” Boom! I heart, Bex and her pencil throwing skills, making my parts all tingly. By the way, didn’t Rebekah help Elena complete her transition in the first Home Movie of this series? If you are not in “Team Self-Righteous” nothing you do matters.
And the hits keep coming! While Stefan goes to see why Conner is stalking Jeremy, Elena spends another episode in the bathroom mopping up blood. In enters what turns out to be Round 2 of “Let’s Taunt the New Vampire” in the form a teen (Heather) bleeding all over the place. Rebekah wiping a face-full of blood all over Elena was gross and yet I can’t stay mad at a gal who makes a dodgeball joke.
While a strange man shoves a teen into a classroom in the middle of the school day, I wonder why don’t the Gilberts have a Social Worker? And does this school have any teachers now that Alaric’s dead? (Alaric! Drink!) And why would Connor just assume Jeremy would be all, “Sure, guy I don’t know, I’ll hunt down a bloodsucking fiend and bring him to you. Should I also lasso you a unicorn?” No, Caroline, no one is torturing you this week.
Goddamn it Connor! Stepping up from shirt ruining to leather jacket shooting? Next thing you know he’s going to set all the bourbon in Mystic Falls on fire and Damon will be truly pissy.
OMG, fun? Stefan wants to have fun? Who has been slipping him happy pills? And you all know I love Caroline more than Damon loves his Persian rugs, but Stefan is NOT good at this. Have we forgotten that it was only weeks ago that he brought the wrath of Klaus down on Mystic Falls by stealing the coffins and setting in motion all the bullshit of the second half of film season 3? Stefan’s need for revenge had him almost driving Elena off of Wickory Bridge, which HE HAS NOT EVEN APOLOGIZED FOR! But we’re supposed to act like he is all zen buddha?
FAYE! IT’S FAYE YOU GUYS! My world is complete. I have already shipped her with 3 different people in Mystic Falls in my mind and she’s only said one line. I have also shipped her with me, but that is a different storyline altogether. Before you ask, yes, I will call her Faye until I get over the sorrow of The Secret Circle finally getting good and then being replaced by the abomination of Beauty and the Beast. Side note: Did anyone else lose their ever loving mind when the first episode of BatB ended with Florence & the Machine’s “Never Let Me Go?” Yep. The new show after Mystic Falls Home Movies used possibly the most iconic song of the show preceding it IN THE FIRST EPISODE when we don’t give a shit about these people. Sorry, end rant.
Where were we? Ah, yes, Faye-gasm. I’ll let everyone wrap their minds around her chaining Tyler up all over the place before we proceed. (And yes, the husky way she said it implies they totally used those chains as foreplay.) She is eyeing up that mansion like she has already picked out new drapes. What I wouldn’t give to watch a family dinner night where Carol and Faye claw each other’s eyes out verbally.
After this next scene I may have mentioned on twitter that Damon and Meredith need to #GriefBang so they can both call out Alaric’s name during completion. This did not go over well with some people and I would like to defend my argument. Nobody loved Alaric like Damon, but Meredith was growing to care for him and they both need to have some comfort. If they find it in each other, even better. Besides, I would like for Elena to not be the center of Damon’s world for 5 minutes to see how she copes. I’d imagine not well. Even more than all of that, Meredith is the first person to recognize the unselfish streak in Damon that he covers up with sarcasm and bravado. Yep, Damon gets to risk his life for people who do not appreciate him on any level and Stefan gets to run around with his hero hair playing Saint. It sucks and she sees it. I am now in love with Meredith.
Rebekah is unsuccessful in her attempts to flirt with Matt and we are all reminded that this vicious bitch is really just a girl who has been dragged around by her brother for 1000 years with no real friends. My love for Matt is taken down a notch when during his weekly neck-throttle he outs Bex as a vampire. That’s really going to suck when she buys him a new truck. Not a spoiler, people, but you know it’s happening. Have none of you read my fanfiction?
“Yours is better than Stefan’s” This is the only thing I’ve gotten from this scene. When Elena storms out after eye-fucking Damon, I stay behind for the show because I am not an idiot.
As Connor whittles on his big stick, Jeremy moves into set him up for whatever perfect plan Damon has that someone else will fuck up.
Rebekah is throwing a kegger. If that doesn't prove to you how needy she is, I don't know what will. At least Stefan uses this as an opportunity to jack some poor dudes beer so that Elena can suck on his backwash. Much better than an apology for what he put her through.
While Caroline tries to get some Tyler nookie, Klaus comes face-to-face with Faye. If these two ever get to making out, I will orgasm all over this blog. You have been warned. Klaus quickly puts two and two together to come up with 69 and I am all kinds of giggly over his perception and his dimples. I know people are pissed Tyler cheated on Caroline, and that was a shitty thing to do, but now Caroline can have angry sex with Klaus guilt free. Can I get an “Amen!”?
April shows she isn’t from Mystic Falls by realizing something is fishy about the gas leak story and in slinks Bex. Holy shit, she stole Elena’s daywalker ring and throws it in the garbage disposal! I am dying here! Why don’t more people go for the ring? Was that a piece of Elena’s skin floating in that last shot? Ew. She quickly gets the ring back and goes to white oak stake Rebekah when Stefan stops her. Elena chooses to follow the lead of totally calm Stefan, but does a fine keg stand on the way out, finally ingesting the poison that has been telegraphed all through these scenes.
Klaus calls “Hayley” fetching which ups the ante on my fantasy match up. What I enjoyed most of all in this scene is not so much the confrontation, or the way Klaus said “sexual tension” but the look of sheer disbelief on Klaus’s face that someone would cheat on Caroline. Klaus answers the phone and banters with Damon and my heart has stopped beating. You guys, Klaus and Damon are going to team up! They are going to fight crime, trade quips and kiss. Alot. (Where the hell did that come from?)
Someone needs to teach Elena to be a good vampire and motorcycle rider. You do not remove your crotch from the large vibrating machinery. Jesus, kids today.
Damon gets the jump on Connor for the setup of another doomed plan, but we’ll come back to that.
Still all pent up after not getting the proper riding she needs, Elena attacks Stefan, but before I can go hurl in the forest again, something amazing happens. My notes say something like DAMON DAMON DAMON DAMON DELENA DELENA DELENA DELENA and I’m not sure I can be more coherent on rewatch. As we’ll see with Bex, these delusions are NOT random, but pulling from the dark recesses of their minds. The wants and fears they are trying to subjugate quite unsuccessfully. Atta girl.
Admittedly I didn’t realize at first this was a hallucination for Bex, but it is even more incredibly powerful this way. These are all of Rebekah’s insecurities made manifest, what she truly thinks about herself and it is ugly. She is so insecure and fragile, she was willing to let her brother treat her like hell forever, just so she would have someone to love her. When she has the brief meeting with April later on, I immediately decide these two need to become best friends and be on Prom Court together. (Not Porn Court @thomascgalvin, but thanks for the image.)
After seeing this interaction who doesn’t now agree with me about Klaus and Damon? Put your hand down Elena. Even Caroline is all ready for the slash fiction. The banter is cheeky, witty, and hot enough to burn through the screen. Klaus, having been around like forever, recognizes the marking and other details mentioned by Damon. Of course there is more to the story of Connor Vampire Hunter and Klaus is figuring on some way to use it to his advantage. Damon is going to be so pissed when he finds the new member of #TeamBadass has already betrayed him. I, of course, will forgive Klaus anything if he continues to softly whisper his way through dialog with that ovary bursting accent.
Even in hallucinations Damon is smarter than everyone else. Will Elena listen to him? Do either of them pick up immediately on the fact that the only way Klaus is helping them right now is because he still thinks he can get something from Elena. I think I can see where this story is going and I will just pee myself if the writers go for it. I even think I see the way it will go horribly wrong. This season may be the death, or un-death of me. *hint hint*
After inspecting the damage done and patting Jeremy on the head (Who’s a part of #Team Badass? Yes you are. Yes, you cute little thing.), Damon gets his Alaric (Drink!) lecture from Meredith. Now I’ve already said I love Meredith, but it’s not Damon’s pride that has left him alone. Shall I list all the times Damon has opened himself up to people only to have his heart ripped out? It’s not Damon’s capacity for pride that is his downfall, it’s his capacity for love.
Stefan can really make me scream sometimes. I get that he wants to help Elena and FINALLY admits that he is in no position to teach Elena how to enjoy life, This is very admirable and big of him. But, wait! There is a catch of course! Let’s have my brother who is in love with my girlfriend become her teacher. That won’t be painful at all for him and further torture his already damaged soul. The correct way to do this would be to let her go to explore what her needs are now as a vampire, but I have a feeling he is is not truly cutting her free. I may forgive him for this additional vervaining of Damon’s heart for the fact that it lead to this line:
“And I’m going to teach you” Be sure to mumble this in your dreams until Episode 4x04.