First I have to say thank you to everyone who read along with my rants this year. It started as an experiment and a way to get all my capslock feelings out after an episode and I was fairly certain no one was ever going to read them but a few people who felt they had to because they were my friends. Instead, others seemed to enjoy them as well and we had a season of trials, tears, and making fun of Stefan’s hair. I just wanted to thank everyone before I wrote this recap for a finale that made me do all of that again, and often in the same breath. Stick around as I try to recap True Blood this summer and do flashback mini-recaps of season 1 The Vampire Diaries.
I will say one more thing: I have never been so happy to be so very wrong in my life.
Previously on the Vampire Diaries - A whole bunch of crap happened that everyone will be forgiven for after this episode as our Mystic Falls residents have their real personalities back and not the assassinated ones they’ve been lugging around for weeks.
“Get the girl.”
We open on a scene set for jubilation and it is of a sort. Kol is pleased as punch to get another opportunity to avenge his death and all the wrongs he feels have been done to him. Don’t get me wrong, he does not care one wit about the 3 sacrifices that occurred. He sees them as useful idiots in his quest for revenge and he isn’t far from wrong. They are graduation cap, er, cannon fodder, even though Kol was absolutely right about everything and should have been heeded much more closely. He is still right. Our gang claims to be morally superior, but they are very willing to allow innocent people to die as long as those they love shall live. Later on one of our nearest and dearest will rant about his own selfish behavior, but none of them has any claim to superiority in this area. Did these witches and hybrids not have families who loved them?
Bon Jovi signals we will start with a Lexi, Stefan, and their hair scene. That is a serious weave she has going on and how bad could the other side really be if she can get such killer extensions? “You Give Love a Bad Name.” There is no need to use a song to be so cruel to Stefan. I kid! *cough* Wickery Bridge *cough* I am entranced by the silhouette of Lexi getting her groove on, but worry she is about to recreate the scene from Flashdance and pour water all over Damon’s carpets. Stefan is drunk and Lexi still holds a bit of a grudge towards Damon. I think it is more about him fucking her under false pretenses than the death, if you ask me. You will notice how easily Lexi overpowers Damon because she is so much older, a rule totally ignored last week.
I want to appreciate drunk Stefan, I really do, but damn it Damon is right. It felt so good to be able to type that again. Neither of the 80s rejects are contemplating the fact the veil is still down so something must have gone very wrong and maybe they should investigate it. Stefan calls Damon “Mom” and snarks about his own hero hair, but it falls flat. Not the hair, the joke. Because Damon is the one who truly cares about everyone and wants to live up to his promise to Ric to take care of the children, he wants to fix this bitch.
Bonnie has run into a bit of a snag, ie. her death, and can’t quite focus on Caroline’s need for a perfect graduation ceremony. I am amused by the weight Caroline places on ceremony and the importance of an event that in the long run, (They are vampires. Their long runs are goddamn long.) means nothing. I may need to do an in-depth analysis of why Caroline clings to propriety so very tightly. I think it gives us incredible insight into her insecurities. Anyway, this show will go on if Caroline has to single-handedly drag everyone by the neck up to the podium. Just accept it, Bonnie. Grams is still present to be a stabilizing voice of reason. Bonnie has an opportunity so few of us have - a final day to tell people she loves them and goodbye. Imagine what a heart-wrenching gift that would be.
Jeremy and Alaric chow down on some burgers like they are orgasmic, and I can’t judge because I would have stabbed someone for an egg mcmuffin the other day. They have a family moment in the graveyard. Appropriate. Alaric produces a bottle of bourbon (of course) and tries to chastise Elena when she snags it. There is banter that makes me weepy and miss Ric all the more, especially when he takes a dig at the pyromaniac in their midst. Ric comments on Elena’s smile, but it is his I am drawn to. It is like the heavens opened up a perfect beam of sunshine on #HairyHeaven and birds began to land on his shoulder, singing a merry tune. Or was that just my screen? Elena seems to be experiencing all the feels I am, so wants to cry all over Jeremy and Ric. So do I, honey. Before she can get too happy, Connor calls from the Grill to demand the cure.
If Alexander breaking Rebekah’s heart mildly irritated me before, that is nothing compared to the seething rage I have right now that he has put my panda bear in harms way. NO ONE THREATENS MATTY, YOU ASSHOLE! He is impressed with the advanced weaponry Connor has amassed, while I am impressed with the advanced dentistry from the Middle Ages. Man has some perfect and blindingly white chompers. Koala bear is staying close by, even though she doesn’t need to. She will not leave him. Big Al finds the extracted werewolf venom and my heart sinks.
It sinks even further when Damon opens the door to Vaughn who immediately shoots him. WE HAVE A PEEPHOLE FOR A REASON, PEOPLE! Conner and Vaughn are both threatening our star crossed lovers to get two things: Silas and the Cure. Elena is all, “You know nothing, Connor Jordan.”, while he threatens to blow up e’rybody up in here. We return to Damon digging a bullet out of his shoulder and tries to argue he technically didn’t kill Vaughn. Oh, you adorable imp, even I don’t buy that one. Vaughn begins his dissertation on his role in the grand scheme of things and “splooch” is de-hearted by Stefan. Yeah, I hate long speeches, too.
Give me a minute. I have just re-watched Alaric reclaiming his half of Team Badass, and I may need a cold compress. Right between my thighs. Too much information? He is all up in Connor’s grill about him threatening Elena. Connor is pissed she snapped his neck and Ric takes full credit for her training. So one dead guy lectures another dead guy on the correct way to threaten dead guys and I seem to have lost the plot in Alaric’s sexy scruff.
“This is my bar, pal. Nobody’s going to blow it up.” I think I just whimpered.
Instead Connor sets off some kind of shrapnel explosion and you all know Matt is going to have to clean that mess up. That is if he lives.
Rebekah is nearing freak out stage due to worry over Matt and I am right there with her. She can’t whisk him away fast enough to avoid the blast radius. Matt tries to distract her by asking what she plans to do after graduation, since he will be knee deep in just being a busboy for ever and ever, amen. She turns to him and promises him the world. She will show him all the things he has ever dreamt of seeing and things he was never aware existed. She is earnest and serious and he knows it even as he tries to make light of her vow. Rebekah is so like her brother and I hope she can finally embrace the gift of immortality instead of constantly fighting against it. Alexander has about enough of this, and I think it is jealousy over her words that drives the knife through the air. Bekah grabs it, but in her haste to save Matt, she places him slightly off balance, the bomb he is standing on precariously close to detonation, along with my stomach.
Katherine confronts Bonnie for payment and there is no immortality for little Kat and she is pissed off. She sees in Elena everything she has been denied and she isn’t wrong. I have so much sympathy for Katherine who has been alone for 500 years and you may say it has been of her own making, but that isn’t even close to the full tale. Her family threw her out in a time when women had almost NO chance of survival without family and yet somehow she did and thrived. Because of a mistake of her birth, no fault of her own, she had more against her. Yes, she used people, but no one has ever had her back. All she has known is betrayal. Scorecard, please?
Mother and Father: Threw her out on the street to die.
Klaus: Pretended to be interested in her, but wanted to sacrifice her.
Elijah: Claimed to have a way to save her, but she still had to run for her life.
Stefan: Gave her up to his father.
Damon: Too naive and optimistic at that time to be able to keep her safe.
Countless others: Saw her as a means to an end and never as a person.
And Elena is the golden child. Family who loved her. Friends willing to die for her. Town fawning over her. What would Kat have become if she had been allowed to keep her child and the love of her family? Why is she so much less deserving than Elena? Don’t point at all the bad she has done without recognizing she never had anything going for her but a survival instinct enviable by even the most vicious animal. I can barely get out of bed some days. All of this to say, I get her and I understand why she hates Elena so very much.
Elena wants to talk and Damon knows there is no point. At first it seems because he is giving her the cure and once taken there is no future for them. She claims to still want it and I throw my hands up in the air. The only reason she isn’t taking it is to save the town, when she shouldn’t want it because human Elena was A WALKING NIGHTMARE AND CATASTROPHE WAITING TO HAPPEN! He demands she take it and she refuses, so one sire bond broken, THANK GOD! Jeremy is the first person ever to point out Elena actually has a choice and should be accepted no matter which one she makes. Damon is in full denial mode and just wants her to get this over with, because in his mind she has already taken the cure and left him. He sees no option for a happy ending and I don’t blame him. I never saw it as a possibility myself, because when has a season ended with anything but Damon in AGONY?
Lexi and Stefan chat about the other side loophole before bringing it around as to what should happen with Elena and the cure. He smugly intones how well leaving it up to her has worked out AND I WANT TO PUNCH HIM IN HIS FUCKING FACE! Please explain to me when exactly Elena has had any say in any of this? Stefan found out there was a cure and worked with Klaus behind their backs to get it so he could present it to her and be back in her perfect pedestal panties again. Everyone jumped on the “we’ll fix what isn’t broken train” and never once gave her time to decide if that was truly what she wanted. When she heard there was only one dose, she QUICKLY gave up on it. Too damn fast for a girl who wanted to be human again more than anything. She did not choose to be humanity off Elena, either, so BLAMING the choices she made on that outcome is so fucked on 800 levels after the high-handed and paternalistic way BOTH brothers have treated her for weeks. GOD DAMN did that line piss me off. “We are going to ignore every word that comes out of your pretty little head and do what we feel is right for you and when it all goes to shit we get to blame you, anyway.” Must be nice. Asshole.
Then he goes on to say that a bigger issue than the zombie apocalypse is who is going to get her vagina and I am done. He is so delusional he jokes about living in a yurt, which can’t happen because he’d have no access to mousse.
Damon gesticulates his point causing a flinch from the GUNSHOT WOUND HE STILL HAS FROM THE BULLET LACED WITH WEREWOLF VENOM! Elena begins to freak out as much as I am and Jeremy mentions the cure. The look on Damon’s face says it all. He already thought of that and dismissed it out of hand. So think about that. She would rather save the town than be human, but screw the town to save Damon. It was this exact moment I knew who she loved and I didn’t have to think about it again the rest of the episode.
Damon hears Vaughn awaken and gives him the cure as a fakeout to get him out of town. He drives to the falls and demonstrates that no matter how long he lives, physics will always elude him.
We are back in the impound lot and Rebekah and Matt are clutching each other for his dear life. Alexander taunts them and they look for a way out. The Gilbert ring won’t resurrect a man in pieces all over the place, so that’s out, but he wishes to try anyway. She talks about how to truly live, you must do the thing that scares you the most and Rebekah fears rejection more than anything else in this world. Light glows around their blonde halos as she kisses him. The kiss must be fairly hypnotic for he doesn’t realize until it’s too late she has switched places and is now on the detonator of the bomb. Our girl just wants normalcy and to her that is graduation, to which she sends Matt.
“I finally chose one of the good ones.” And then she steps off the platform. Kaboom!
Elena is still in “WE NEED TO SAVE DAMON RIGHT NOW DAMMIT” mode while Stefan and Jeremy put way too much emphasis on graduation. I don’t know why this is bothering me so much. With all they have gone through, I guess a little normalcy is needed, but it all feels so silly next to the zombpcalypse, ya know? How do you say no to Jeremy’s puppy dog eyes and arms? You don’t and she is going.
It rankles a little that Caroline doesn’t appreciate Klaus ignoring her for 5 minutes, but it is for Damon, so I’ll allow it and appreciate that she is doing this after how badly she has spoken of him this season. They take a headcount and Caroline declares them actually all here. Well, except for Vicki, Tyler, Jeremy, Anna, Uncle John, Aunt Jenna, Carol, … you get my point. The “all there” means only the ones they feel matter. Ew.
It truly is very sweet that they share a moment. Bonnie is having a difficult time keeping it together knowing this may be it for her and each second they show of her is ripping my heart out, even though I never got a truly dark Bonnie and I feel like she was wasted somewhat. And used abhorrently.
The Father of the Year calls out the graduation names and does a little bragging over the daughter it doesn’t seem like he had much hand in raising. One hug and one more goodbye for Bonbon who is then accosted by the ghost of Originals past. Kol points out the SAG card hopefuls in the audience. He has decided the veil should totally fall and remain down so he has another chance to abuse sporting equipment.
Bonnie takes Kol to a very uncomfortable viewing and lays out all the reasons she has for wanting what he wants, but still realizing it would be wrong to do. Kol gets stuck inside an invisible box and somewhere on the way to a graduation, Klaus feels an urge to giggle.
Damon is starting to lose his energy, but never his smartass comments. Each time Damon shoots it off, Vaughn shoots him in return. I am seriously wincing with each one and screaming for him to shut it for once, but this was his plan all along. He is choosing death to distract Vaughn long enough for Bonnie to bring the veil back up, leaving the cure for Elena. The staredown and eventual last bullet killing Damon is interrupted by ALARIC FUCKING SALTZMAN I LOVE YOU RIC LET’S HAVE LOTS OF BABIES! He snaps Vaughn’s neck and tosses him like a sack of potatoes over the falls with an “oops”, right after nabbing the cure from his pocket, of course, because Ric is the head of Team Badass and don’t you all forget it.
Alaric is calling Stefan even more panicked than Elena was. He cannot watch his friend die and is about to force feed Damon the cure and me my heart when the witches cast out supernatural migraines. They are all incapacitated until KLAUS DIMPLED BASTARD MIKAELSON DECAPITATES THE HEAD WITCH WITH A GRADUATION CAP! That was a thing of beauty. You have to give him credit for murdering with a sense of style. I think Caroline just had an orgasm.
“Feeling better? Good, let me deck you.”
Alaric is all proud of Elena’s swing, as he should be. Damon is the one who taught her to fight, but Alaric helped hone her moves. Elena calls Stefan out of the room and it’s to say goodbye. I knew it the second it happened. The head cheerleaders for #TeamStelena and #TeamDelena stay behind to compare notes about death. It is actually very nice and I see in them a possibility for so much future storyline. Even though they are on opposite sides of many things, and I will always blame her for Stefan’s issues, they would balance and try to be the surrogate Mom and Dad to this little crew. They both hope for something beyond the “other side”, but it is obvious Alaric will never let go as long as the knuckleheads he loves may possibly need him. I NEED YOU, ALARIC!
I think it’s amusing how Elena keeps trying to give away the cure she wants so badly. Even before she gave it to Stefan, it was obvious she was thanking him in a “It’s been real” kind of way. In all honesty, Stefan should have taken it. He wants to be human because he cannot learn to accept himself the way he is, leading to all of his issues.
It is like the writers read my Christmas list and gave me so many things on it. Not everything, mind you, but so many. For the first time, Klaus is completely unselfish with Caroline and frees Tyler. He frees her as well. Every act he did this day washes away a small part of what hinders her from loving him completely. When he says, “He’s your first love. I intend to be your last.”, I actually see the possibility of Klaroline for the first time. I have always loved their chemistry, but thought it impossible. Now, he can go to New Orleans, have a year or two to find another love and she can swoop in to play spoiler.
I am crying before this next scene even starts. I know why Elena is here, but Damon has no idea. He is going to give her a rundown of all the excuses she can use for going back to Stefan. He will try to highlight his selfishness and must I go on about this again? Damon almost never thinks about himself. His default assumption is always that he will not be chosen and his life will suck. To be honest, that has been a very good assumption up until now. He will not apologize, not because he doesn’t wish to, but because he doesn’t see the point. Pretty words and gestures mean nothing if her heart belongs to another and it is why he chases death so ferociously. His life is meaningless without her, but he will make sure she is safe before he goes. He braces for her attack and the words he thinks will put his misery to an end. And that is exactly what he receives, but not in the way he had ever imagined possible. Of course she loves him. As she says, even in death she has never been more alive than with him. Excuse my while I cry all over my keyboard. Whatever's happening is happening here, and he was a fool for thinking otherwise.
There is a cut to Stefan who has heard every word and I feel for him. Even though this is what I wished for and it is the right thing for Elena, he truly did love her in his own fucked up way. Now he gets to be free as well, right?
There is an awkward moment between the brothers and this is another chance for things to remain unsaid, but Stefan takes the high road and absolves Damon of some of his guilt. This is the moment I realize bad things are coming for Stefan.
There are not enough tissues in this house for all the weeping this recap is causing me. It’s because I love you all I’m soldiering on.
We have a series of cuts of various people saying goodbye and it is beyond moving:
Jeremy has gone to Bonnie for his final moments. He cannot say goodbye to Elena and he is still in love with Bonnie, so this is the right place for him.
Alaric is with his life partner, who even though he just got the girl of his dreams, will still sit and drink with his real brother until the end. “You got the girl, man.” Alaric says this and is so incredibly proud. This may just break me. Damon looks down to pour a drink and he’s gone. Alaric! Drink!
Lexi and Stefan drive and talk. She is right that he needs to leave so he can heal and not be subjected to Damon and Elena. They also deserve to be able to love each other for a little while without feeling guilty. Then Lexi goes and spoils it by calling Stefan and Elena an epic love. I have now officially retired that word because it is meaningless. He begins to brighten just in time for Lexi to also leave.
Elena stumbles upon Kol and just as she thinks she’s dead he returns to beyond the veil as well. She must have thought she was off the hook at this point. Not so much. Hi, Katherine!
Bonnie grabs Jeremy and kisses him to stop the flow of words that will never be enough when you are forced to say goodbye. He sucks in breath and he is back from beyond, but when he grabs her, he feels nothing. You see, nature loves balance and it has taken her life for his. It is a heavy burden for his broad shoulders. She asks for one last favor - give her friends a summer of peace before letting them know she is dead. It is another burden she places upon him, but it is done out of love.
Next Rebekah goes to see Matt and is more of a teenage girl in this moment than every other actual teenage girl in Mystic Falls. She is sure he only was nice to her because of the situation and wants to assure him she bears no grudge. And then Matt does the most Matt thing ever and I squee like a little girl. He is going to give her a summer of happiness. They can travel and be free together. It is not forever and it will come to an end, but sometimes a taste of something so sweet is enough to keep us going until we find permanent bliss. Besides, when Klaus or Rebekah buys that bar Sophie works in, they are going to need a manager and it’s not like Matt has any other prospects. MAKE THIS HAPPEN!
Katherine is kicking Elena’s ass all over MFHS and working out some of her issues. Girl has lots of them. There is a doppelganger battle in which Nina Dobrev earns all the Emmys and all the ice packs. I actually for a moment thought the showrunners were going to fuck with Delena by having Kat kill Elena and take her place. The actual turn is even more delicious. There is a broomhandle stake, a Mystic Falls favorite I might add, that is lodged in Elena’s throat at first before Kat goes for the other favorite, the heart grab. When Kat gets in her face to relish her victory we flashback to see Stefan declining the cure. The logical step in Elena’s plan to pawn off the cure in someone is to stuff it in Kat’s gaping maw and upper cut her jaw to crush it inside. Yes, dear readers, we now have a human Katherine who must learn to exist within that humanity. Before you all scream at me that she can just turn again, I am willing to bet the cure is permanent, as in you can never become a supernatural entity again. An inoculation, if you will.
Stefan is at the falls and realizes the Silas bag is filled with cinder blocks from the attempt to subjugate Elena’s rage. Silas appears in the guise of one doppelganger to explain the balance thing for the millionth time. Stefan is in denial of Bonnie’s death so is confused. That confusion is going to get ramped up 1000 fold. Silas describes how the balance affected his fate. Since he would never be able to die due to the immortality spell, a doppelganger or has been referred to several times in the episode so it must be significant, a “shadow self” that can die was created. The assumption is of course that the Petrova doppelgangers were spawned from this. Oh, but that would be too predictable. No, Silas’s true doppelganger self is...STEFAN! THE FUCK?!
Into the safe Stefan goes and over the edge. I go over the edge when I realize it will be 5 months before we see what happens next.
So that happened. All of that. I never in a million years could have imagined a way for this town to have another set of doppelgangers and make any kind of sense, but it did. First, as to the triangle. This of course, opens it wide again. Stefan and Elena are both doppelgangers. There is a balance there that is undeniable. It could draw them back together. Just wanted to get that out of the way. The more important thing is Paul Wesley gets to be interesting next season and I couldn’t be happier for him. He has to be loving this! Stefan was at his most awesome best as the Rippah and when he snarked with Klaus. Mooning over Elena made him weak, ineffectual, and boring as all get out. I am thrilled to death. Even when Damon eventually realizes the swap, the starved Stefan should be a hoot and a half. Now, I don’t believe Damon will realize it immediately for a few reasons:
1. Silas could easily leave town for a while, as it was originally planned, so they wouldn’t see each other anyway.
2. Damon is going to be with the woman he loves for the first time in 150 years. He may be a bit distracted.
3. He recognized Alaric was fake immediately because they were closer than Damon and Stefan had been in years. There was a trust the Salvatores haven’t built, yet.
4. Because it’ll make for interesting viewing.
This episode was the BEST one in forever. I am actually invigorated and excited in a way for season 5 that I hadn’t been in a while. Now what to do until October?
I will say one more thing: I have never been so happy to be so very wrong in my life.
Previously on the Vampire Diaries - A whole bunch of crap happened that everyone will be forgiven for after this episode as our Mystic Falls residents have their real personalities back and not the assassinated ones they’ve been lugging around for weeks.
“Get the girl.”
We open on a scene set for jubilation and it is of a sort. Kol is pleased as punch to get another opportunity to avenge his death and all the wrongs he feels have been done to him. Don’t get me wrong, he does not care one wit about the 3 sacrifices that occurred. He sees them as useful idiots in his quest for revenge and he isn’t far from wrong. They are graduation cap, er, cannon fodder, even though Kol was absolutely right about everything and should have been heeded much more closely. He is still right. Our gang claims to be morally superior, but they are very willing to allow innocent people to die as long as those they love shall live. Later on one of our nearest and dearest will rant about his own selfish behavior, but none of them has any claim to superiority in this area. Did these witches and hybrids not have families who loved them?
Bon Jovi signals we will start with a Lexi, Stefan, and their hair scene. That is a serious weave she has going on and how bad could the other side really be if she can get such killer extensions? “You Give Love a Bad Name.” There is no need to use a song to be so cruel to Stefan. I kid! *cough* Wickery Bridge *cough* I am entranced by the silhouette of Lexi getting her groove on, but worry she is about to recreate the scene from Flashdance and pour water all over Damon’s carpets. Stefan is drunk and Lexi still holds a bit of a grudge towards Damon. I think it is more about him fucking her under false pretenses than the death, if you ask me. You will notice how easily Lexi overpowers Damon because she is so much older, a rule totally ignored last week.
I want to appreciate drunk Stefan, I really do, but damn it Damon is right. It felt so good to be able to type that again. Neither of the 80s rejects are contemplating the fact the veil is still down so something must have gone very wrong and maybe they should investigate it. Stefan calls Damon “Mom” and snarks about his own hero hair, but it falls flat. Not the hair, the joke. Because Damon is the one who truly cares about everyone and wants to live up to his promise to Ric to take care of the children, he wants to fix this bitch.
Bonnie has run into a bit of a snag, ie. her death, and can’t quite focus on Caroline’s need for a perfect graduation ceremony. I am amused by the weight Caroline places on ceremony and the importance of an event that in the long run, (They are vampires. Their long runs are goddamn long.) means nothing. I may need to do an in-depth analysis of why Caroline clings to propriety so very tightly. I think it gives us incredible insight into her insecurities. Anyway, this show will go on if Caroline has to single-handedly drag everyone by the neck up to the podium. Just accept it, Bonnie. Grams is still present to be a stabilizing voice of reason. Bonnie has an opportunity so few of us have - a final day to tell people she loves them and goodbye. Imagine what a heart-wrenching gift that would be.
Jeremy and Alaric chow down on some burgers like they are orgasmic, and I can’t judge because I would have stabbed someone for an egg mcmuffin the other day. They have a family moment in the graveyard. Appropriate. Alaric produces a bottle of bourbon (of course) and tries to chastise Elena when she snags it. There is banter that makes me weepy and miss Ric all the more, especially when he takes a dig at the pyromaniac in their midst. Ric comments on Elena’s smile, but it is his I am drawn to. It is like the heavens opened up a perfect beam of sunshine on #HairyHeaven and birds began to land on his shoulder, singing a merry tune. Or was that just my screen? Elena seems to be experiencing all the feels I am, so wants to cry all over Jeremy and Ric. So do I, honey. Before she can get too happy, Connor calls from the Grill to demand the cure.
If Alexander breaking Rebekah’s heart mildly irritated me before, that is nothing compared to the seething rage I have right now that he has put my panda bear in harms way. NO ONE THREATENS MATTY, YOU ASSHOLE! He is impressed with the advanced weaponry Connor has amassed, while I am impressed with the advanced dentistry from the Middle Ages. Man has some perfect and blindingly white chompers. Koala bear is staying close by, even though she doesn’t need to. She will not leave him. Big Al finds the extracted werewolf venom and my heart sinks.
It sinks even further when Damon opens the door to Vaughn who immediately shoots him. WE HAVE A PEEPHOLE FOR A REASON, PEOPLE! Conner and Vaughn are both threatening our star crossed lovers to get two things: Silas and the Cure. Elena is all, “You know nothing, Connor Jordan.”, while he threatens to blow up e’rybody up in here. We return to Damon digging a bullet out of his shoulder and tries to argue he technically didn’t kill Vaughn. Oh, you adorable imp, even I don’t buy that one. Vaughn begins his dissertation on his role in the grand scheme of things and “splooch” is de-hearted by Stefan. Yeah, I hate long speeches, too.
Give me a minute. I have just re-watched Alaric reclaiming his half of Team Badass, and I may need a cold compress. Right between my thighs. Too much information? He is all up in Connor’s grill about him threatening Elena. Connor is pissed she snapped his neck and Ric takes full credit for her training. So one dead guy lectures another dead guy on the correct way to threaten dead guys and I seem to have lost the plot in Alaric’s sexy scruff.
“This is my bar, pal. Nobody’s going to blow it up.” I think I just whimpered.
Instead Connor sets off some kind of shrapnel explosion and you all know Matt is going to have to clean that mess up. That is if he lives.
Rebekah is nearing freak out stage due to worry over Matt and I am right there with her. She can’t whisk him away fast enough to avoid the blast radius. Matt tries to distract her by asking what she plans to do after graduation, since he will be knee deep in just being a busboy for ever and ever, amen. She turns to him and promises him the world. She will show him all the things he has ever dreamt of seeing and things he was never aware existed. She is earnest and serious and he knows it even as he tries to make light of her vow. Rebekah is so like her brother and I hope she can finally embrace the gift of immortality instead of constantly fighting against it. Alexander has about enough of this, and I think it is jealousy over her words that drives the knife through the air. Bekah grabs it, but in her haste to save Matt, she places him slightly off balance, the bomb he is standing on precariously close to detonation, along with my stomach.
Katherine confronts Bonnie for payment and there is no immortality for little Kat and she is pissed off. She sees in Elena everything she has been denied and she isn’t wrong. I have so much sympathy for Katherine who has been alone for 500 years and you may say it has been of her own making, but that isn’t even close to the full tale. Her family threw her out in a time when women had almost NO chance of survival without family and yet somehow she did and thrived. Because of a mistake of her birth, no fault of her own, she had more against her. Yes, she used people, but no one has ever had her back. All she has known is betrayal. Scorecard, please?
Mother and Father: Threw her out on the street to die.
Klaus: Pretended to be interested in her, but wanted to sacrifice her.
Elijah: Claimed to have a way to save her, but she still had to run for her life.
Stefan: Gave her up to his father.
Damon: Too naive and optimistic at that time to be able to keep her safe.
Countless others: Saw her as a means to an end and never as a person.
And Elena is the golden child. Family who loved her. Friends willing to die for her. Town fawning over her. What would Kat have become if she had been allowed to keep her child and the love of her family? Why is she so much less deserving than Elena? Don’t point at all the bad she has done without recognizing she never had anything going for her but a survival instinct enviable by even the most vicious animal. I can barely get out of bed some days. All of this to say, I get her and I understand why she hates Elena so very much.
Elena wants to talk and Damon knows there is no point. At first it seems because he is giving her the cure and once taken there is no future for them. She claims to still want it and I throw my hands up in the air. The only reason she isn’t taking it is to save the town, when she shouldn’t want it because human Elena was A WALKING NIGHTMARE AND CATASTROPHE WAITING TO HAPPEN! He demands she take it and she refuses, so one sire bond broken, THANK GOD! Jeremy is the first person ever to point out Elena actually has a choice and should be accepted no matter which one she makes. Damon is in full denial mode and just wants her to get this over with, because in his mind she has already taken the cure and left him. He sees no option for a happy ending and I don’t blame him. I never saw it as a possibility myself, because when has a season ended with anything but Damon in AGONY?
Lexi and Stefan chat about the other side loophole before bringing it around as to what should happen with Elena and the cure. He smugly intones how well leaving it up to her has worked out AND I WANT TO PUNCH HIM IN HIS FUCKING FACE! Please explain to me when exactly Elena has had any say in any of this? Stefan found out there was a cure and worked with Klaus behind their backs to get it so he could present it to her and be back in her perfect pedestal panties again. Everyone jumped on the “we’ll fix what isn’t broken train” and never once gave her time to decide if that was truly what she wanted. When she heard there was only one dose, she QUICKLY gave up on it. Too damn fast for a girl who wanted to be human again more than anything. She did not choose to be humanity off Elena, either, so BLAMING the choices she made on that outcome is so fucked on 800 levels after the high-handed and paternalistic way BOTH brothers have treated her for weeks. GOD DAMN did that line piss me off. “We are going to ignore every word that comes out of your pretty little head and do what we feel is right for you and when it all goes to shit we get to blame you, anyway.” Must be nice. Asshole.
Then he goes on to say that a bigger issue than the zombie apocalypse is who is going to get her vagina and I am done. He is so delusional he jokes about living in a yurt, which can’t happen because he’d have no access to mousse.
Damon gesticulates his point causing a flinch from the GUNSHOT WOUND HE STILL HAS FROM THE BULLET LACED WITH WEREWOLF VENOM! Elena begins to freak out as much as I am and Jeremy mentions the cure. The look on Damon’s face says it all. He already thought of that and dismissed it out of hand. So think about that. She would rather save the town than be human, but screw the town to save Damon. It was this exact moment I knew who she loved and I didn’t have to think about it again the rest of the episode.
Damon hears Vaughn awaken and gives him the cure as a fakeout to get him out of town. He drives to the falls and demonstrates that no matter how long he lives, physics will always elude him.
We are back in the impound lot and Rebekah and Matt are clutching each other for his dear life. Alexander taunts them and they look for a way out. The Gilbert ring won’t resurrect a man in pieces all over the place, so that’s out, but he wishes to try anyway. She talks about how to truly live, you must do the thing that scares you the most and Rebekah fears rejection more than anything else in this world. Light glows around their blonde halos as she kisses him. The kiss must be fairly hypnotic for he doesn’t realize until it’s too late she has switched places and is now on the detonator of the bomb. Our girl just wants normalcy and to her that is graduation, to which she sends Matt.
“I finally chose one of the good ones.” And then she steps off the platform. Kaboom!
Elena is still in “WE NEED TO SAVE DAMON RIGHT NOW DAMMIT” mode while Stefan and Jeremy put way too much emphasis on graduation. I don’t know why this is bothering me so much. With all they have gone through, I guess a little normalcy is needed, but it all feels so silly next to the zombpcalypse, ya know? How do you say no to Jeremy’s puppy dog eyes and arms? You don’t and she is going.
It rankles a little that Caroline doesn’t appreciate Klaus ignoring her for 5 minutes, but it is for Damon, so I’ll allow it and appreciate that she is doing this after how badly she has spoken of him this season. They take a headcount and Caroline declares them actually all here. Well, except for Vicki, Tyler, Jeremy, Anna, Uncle John, Aunt Jenna, Carol, … you get my point. The “all there” means only the ones they feel matter. Ew.
It truly is very sweet that they share a moment. Bonnie is having a difficult time keeping it together knowing this may be it for her and each second they show of her is ripping my heart out, even though I never got a truly dark Bonnie and I feel like she was wasted somewhat. And used abhorrently.
The Father of the Year calls out the graduation names and does a little bragging over the daughter it doesn’t seem like he had much hand in raising. One hug and one more goodbye for Bonbon who is then accosted by the ghost of Originals past. Kol points out the SAG card hopefuls in the audience. He has decided the veil should totally fall and remain down so he has another chance to abuse sporting equipment.
Bonnie takes Kol to a very uncomfortable viewing and lays out all the reasons she has for wanting what he wants, but still realizing it would be wrong to do. Kol gets stuck inside an invisible box and somewhere on the way to a graduation, Klaus feels an urge to giggle.
Damon is starting to lose his energy, but never his smartass comments. Each time Damon shoots it off, Vaughn shoots him in return. I am seriously wincing with each one and screaming for him to shut it for once, but this was his plan all along. He is choosing death to distract Vaughn long enough for Bonnie to bring the veil back up, leaving the cure for Elena. The staredown and eventual last bullet killing Damon is interrupted by ALARIC FUCKING SALTZMAN I LOVE YOU RIC LET’S HAVE LOTS OF BABIES! He snaps Vaughn’s neck and tosses him like a sack of potatoes over the falls with an “oops”, right after nabbing the cure from his pocket, of course, because Ric is the head of Team Badass and don’t you all forget it.
Alaric is calling Stefan even more panicked than Elena was. He cannot watch his friend die and is about to force feed Damon the cure and me my heart when the witches cast out supernatural migraines. They are all incapacitated until KLAUS DIMPLED BASTARD MIKAELSON DECAPITATES THE HEAD WITCH WITH A GRADUATION CAP! That was a thing of beauty. You have to give him credit for murdering with a sense of style. I think Caroline just had an orgasm.
“Feeling better? Good, let me deck you.”
Alaric is all proud of Elena’s swing, as he should be. Damon is the one who taught her to fight, but Alaric helped hone her moves. Elena calls Stefan out of the room and it’s to say goodbye. I knew it the second it happened. The head cheerleaders for #TeamStelena and #TeamDelena stay behind to compare notes about death. It is actually very nice and I see in them a possibility for so much future storyline. Even though they are on opposite sides of many things, and I will always blame her for Stefan’s issues, they would balance and try to be the surrogate Mom and Dad to this little crew. They both hope for something beyond the “other side”, but it is obvious Alaric will never let go as long as the knuckleheads he loves may possibly need him. I NEED YOU, ALARIC!
I think it’s amusing how Elena keeps trying to give away the cure she wants so badly. Even before she gave it to Stefan, it was obvious she was thanking him in a “It’s been real” kind of way. In all honesty, Stefan should have taken it. He wants to be human because he cannot learn to accept himself the way he is, leading to all of his issues.
It is like the writers read my Christmas list and gave me so many things on it. Not everything, mind you, but so many. For the first time, Klaus is completely unselfish with Caroline and frees Tyler. He frees her as well. Every act he did this day washes away a small part of what hinders her from loving him completely. When he says, “He’s your first love. I intend to be your last.”, I actually see the possibility of Klaroline for the first time. I have always loved their chemistry, but thought it impossible. Now, he can go to New Orleans, have a year or two to find another love and she can swoop in to play spoiler.
I am crying before this next scene even starts. I know why Elena is here, but Damon has no idea. He is going to give her a rundown of all the excuses she can use for going back to Stefan. He will try to highlight his selfishness and must I go on about this again? Damon almost never thinks about himself. His default assumption is always that he will not be chosen and his life will suck. To be honest, that has been a very good assumption up until now. He will not apologize, not because he doesn’t wish to, but because he doesn’t see the point. Pretty words and gestures mean nothing if her heart belongs to another and it is why he chases death so ferociously. His life is meaningless without her, but he will make sure she is safe before he goes. He braces for her attack and the words he thinks will put his misery to an end. And that is exactly what he receives, but not in the way he had ever imagined possible. Of course she loves him. As she says, even in death she has never been more alive than with him. Excuse my while I cry all over my keyboard. Whatever's happening is happening here, and he was a fool for thinking otherwise.
There is a cut to Stefan who has heard every word and I feel for him. Even though this is what I wished for and it is the right thing for Elena, he truly did love her in his own fucked up way. Now he gets to be free as well, right?
There is an awkward moment between the brothers and this is another chance for things to remain unsaid, but Stefan takes the high road and absolves Damon of some of his guilt. This is the moment I realize bad things are coming for Stefan.
There are not enough tissues in this house for all the weeping this recap is causing me. It’s because I love you all I’m soldiering on.
We have a series of cuts of various people saying goodbye and it is beyond moving:
Jeremy has gone to Bonnie for his final moments. He cannot say goodbye to Elena and he is still in love with Bonnie, so this is the right place for him.
Alaric is with his life partner, who even though he just got the girl of his dreams, will still sit and drink with his real brother until the end. “You got the girl, man.” Alaric says this and is so incredibly proud. This may just break me. Damon looks down to pour a drink and he’s gone. Alaric! Drink!
Lexi and Stefan drive and talk. She is right that he needs to leave so he can heal and not be subjected to Damon and Elena. They also deserve to be able to love each other for a little while without feeling guilty. Then Lexi goes and spoils it by calling Stefan and Elena an epic love. I have now officially retired that word because it is meaningless. He begins to brighten just in time for Lexi to also leave.
Elena stumbles upon Kol and just as she thinks she’s dead he returns to beyond the veil as well. She must have thought she was off the hook at this point. Not so much. Hi, Katherine!
Bonnie grabs Jeremy and kisses him to stop the flow of words that will never be enough when you are forced to say goodbye. He sucks in breath and he is back from beyond, but when he grabs her, he feels nothing. You see, nature loves balance and it has taken her life for his. It is a heavy burden for his broad shoulders. She asks for one last favor - give her friends a summer of peace before letting them know she is dead. It is another burden she places upon him, but it is done out of love.
Next Rebekah goes to see Matt and is more of a teenage girl in this moment than every other actual teenage girl in Mystic Falls. She is sure he only was nice to her because of the situation and wants to assure him she bears no grudge. And then Matt does the most Matt thing ever and I squee like a little girl. He is going to give her a summer of happiness. They can travel and be free together. It is not forever and it will come to an end, but sometimes a taste of something so sweet is enough to keep us going until we find permanent bliss. Besides, when Klaus or Rebekah buys that bar Sophie works in, they are going to need a manager and it’s not like Matt has any other prospects. MAKE THIS HAPPEN!
Katherine is kicking Elena’s ass all over MFHS and working out some of her issues. Girl has lots of them. There is a doppelganger battle in which Nina Dobrev earns all the Emmys and all the ice packs. I actually for a moment thought the showrunners were going to fuck with Delena by having Kat kill Elena and take her place. The actual turn is even more delicious. There is a broomhandle stake, a Mystic Falls favorite I might add, that is lodged in Elena’s throat at first before Kat goes for the other favorite, the heart grab. When Kat gets in her face to relish her victory we flashback to see Stefan declining the cure. The logical step in Elena’s plan to pawn off the cure in someone is to stuff it in Kat’s gaping maw and upper cut her jaw to crush it inside. Yes, dear readers, we now have a human Katherine who must learn to exist within that humanity. Before you all scream at me that she can just turn again, I am willing to bet the cure is permanent, as in you can never become a supernatural entity again. An inoculation, if you will.
Stefan is at the falls and realizes the Silas bag is filled with cinder blocks from the attempt to subjugate Elena’s rage. Silas appears in the guise of one doppelganger to explain the balance thing for the millionth time. Stefan is in denial of Bonnie’s death so is confused. That confusion is going to get ramped up 1000 fold. Silas describes how the balance affected his fate. Since he would never be able to die due to the immortality spell, a doppelganger or has been referred to several times in the episode so it must be significant, a “shadow self” that can die was created. The assumption is of course that the Petrova doppelgangers were spawned from this. Oh, but that would be too predictable. No, Silas’s true doppelganger self is...STEFAN! THE FUCK?!
Into the safe Stefan goes and over the edge. I go over the edge when I realize it will be 5 months before we see what happens next.
So that happened. All of that. I never in a million years could have imagined a way for this town to have another set of doppelgangers and make any kind of sense, but it did. First, as to the triangle. This of course, opens it wide again. Stefan and Elena are both doppelgangers. There is a balance there that is undeniable. It could draw them back together. Just wanted to get that out of the way. The more important thing is Paul Wesley gets to be interesting next season and I couldn’t be happier for him. He has to be loving this! Stefan was at his most awesome best as the Rippah and when he snarked with Klaus. Mooning over Elena made him weak, ineffectual, and boring as all get out. I am thrilled to death. Even when Damon eventually realizes the swap, the starved Stefan should be a hoot and a half. Now, I don’t believe Damon will realize it immediately for a few reasons:
1. Silas could easily leave town for a while, as it was originally planned, so they wouldn’t see each other anyway.
2. Damon is going to be with the woman he loves for the first time in 150 years. He may be a bit distracted.
3. He recognized Alaric was fake immediately because they were closer than Damon and Stefan had been in years. There was a trust the Salvatores haven’t built, yet.
4. Because it’ll make for interesting viewing.
This episode was the BEST one in forever. I am actually invigorated and excited in a way for season 5 that I hadn’t been in a while. Now what to do until October?