If there was a tear-stained font to use for typing, I would be using it right now. This episode brought up a number of feelings for me and I will briefly discuss two of them before settling into Dalaric feels for the rest of...my life, basically.
I am confused over the rules of vampirism. I thought the older you are, the tougher you are and yet Elena was able to easily overpower Katherine. How is that even possible? Katherine could take on Stefan and Damon single handedly, but Elena was just too much of a match. Stretching some of the rules of the show has always been given a slight wink and a nod from me, but ignoring them entirely makes me a bit uncomfortable. Especially since Damon was then able to take down Silas. What? A man who can get into everyone’s head and switch bodies 100 times in minutes was undone by a chain? I said during the viewing that the writers had written themselves into a corner with making Silas SO badass and superhuman that whatever took him down would look fairly ridiculous, but I had no idea. Bonnie being able to congeal his blood was perfection, but Damon should never have been able to hold him still to be able to do it.
My other stomach turning issue is the treatment of women. The torture of Elena last week and the total negation of her wants has made me very uncomfortable for weeks, but two incidents in this episode were also disturbing. First, the Caroline cutting. I won’t go all “won’t someone think of the children” because you need to think of your own damn children if you have any, but on a show watched by so many teens it was an uncomfortable scene. Even more uncomfortable was the one played for laughs with Rebekah slapping a hysterical Caroline to make her snap out of it. There is a long history in cinema, literature, and real life of women being portrayed as overly emotional and a little violence is all that is needed to make them come around. You’ll notice that no one thinks to slap Damon, or Stefan, or Jeremy when they have been compelled to do something because of course that wouldn’t work to overcome mind control. Yet it is done to Caroline and it did work, which is fucking ridiculous.
So get your mythology straight before the next season, because this one has been a hot mess. Now that’s been said, let’s recap this bitch so I can have another drink at the Grill. By the way, that seat’s taken.
We begin with a kick-ass song, which always sets a good tone for a Mystic Falls Home Movie. Stefan is teaching Elena to sublimate and redirect her emotions and cravings because that has worked out so well for him. Stefan has never heard of the word moderation. He is an all or nothing kind of man who is fairly emotionally crippled by it. So let’s put him in charge of the rage machine, shall we? Maybe if someone helped Elena with moderation in regards to Katherine she would just write a nasty comment about Kat in her burn book or spread a rumor that her hair was really a weave. You know, healthy and normal teen revenge scenarios.
Elena points out that Stefan wanted to kill Klaus and instead of focusing on the fact Stefan was unable to because Klaus is so much older (see my rant earlier about the wonkie nature of vampire age mythology), maybe they should have focused on the HELLFIRE RAINED DOWN ON THE TOWN BY KLAUS BECAUSE STEFAN’S DUMBASS REVENGE ATTEMPTS PISSED HIM OFF SO MUCH. That is where the lesson is. If you kill Katherine you have a fleeting sense of accomplishment and then you still need to face your screwed up life. If you fail to kill her, you have a magnificent, vindictive bitch after you for the next millenium who is the smartest person to ever grace this show AND SHE WANTS YOUR ASS TO SUFFER. Told ya humanity switch “on” Elena was smart as a box of rocks.
Matt and Rebekah discuss human graduation traditions and I want to love them forever. Matt doesn’t think a graduation check is coming his way from the wayward Kelly Donovan, but the look on Rebekah’s face says she will gladly dump her entire net worth in his lap to make his life easier.
Caroline and Elena address their own announcements in the bright sunshine and I almost catch a glimpse of the glittery unicorn Care once was. *sigh* Explain to me how Elena, who is the child of a doctor and a prominent family in this town, has absolutely no one who is checking in on her. Yes, her immediate family may all be dead, but those in the upper echelon of society have a bagillion contacts and connections. Not a one remembers their colleague’s child? Yeah, not buying it and the Denver call out even falls flat. Caroline is in a similar position and has boxes of announcements to send out. I buy it with Matt, but never with Elena.
Katherine is not pleased to have ruined her shoes to trudge through a creepy forest to get to creepy Bonnie. That line made me think Katherine and Pam from True Blood would be BFFs and now that I’ve thought it, I need to make this fanfiction happen! Anyway, we are at the spot where 12 (soon to be 13 according to Kat) witches died and apparently Bonnie is a big ole Eveready battery needing to suck up the electrical juices of the sacrifice sites to be able to drop the veil. Bonnie lays out the plan to drop the veil and ask Quetsooyay (sorry, but this is now her name forever) for two favors:
1. Permanently kill or stop the man she loved/despised. That may possibly happen.
2. Give some random stranger immortality out of the kindness of her heart. I don’t see that happening in any way shape or form. Why would Q give two fucks about Kat?
Katherine rightly sees the gaping holes in the plan to bring all of the supernatural creatures back to this plane and think you have any control over how things turn out. She is about to jet and I cannot blame her, but Bonnie was smart (?) enough to tether them together. Knowing how many people wish to harm Kat, this may not have been thought through that completely, but when does anyone in this town think through the consequences of their actions? Bonnie has a small hint of an arrogant smile around her lips that will also come back to bite her later.
The brothers Salvatore meet up at the hospital to talk about Damon’s avoidance (he is) and Stefan’s idiocy (it is) while Liz Forbes, looking very perky after having basically died recently, points out the obvious issue they now face. There are several drained bodies and it is very hard to claim an animal attack in a hospital unless it has a research lab on the premises using wolverines as test subjects. I keep thinking in terms of volume and I can’t help picturing Silas wobbling along like a gelatinous blob with all that blood sloshing around inside him. Although, with the sloppy damn job he did of draining them but leaving big puddles of consumable blood behind has me thinking he should really work on efficiency.
Liz wants to know what the hell he is fueling up for and Damon walks through the steps for those playing at home who still didn’t get the order of things, even though it has been spelled out repeatedly. In case you don’t get it, here they all are in their nonsensical glory. Once you’ve read them explain to me how this makes any sense.:
1. Bonnie drops the veil to the other side so there is no longer a supernatural purgatory.
2. This will allow all the dead supes to come back into our plane, but that is truly irrelevant to Silas’s plan. Or is it?
3. Silas will take the cure so he is human and then will kill himself to join his dead love.
a. But I thought his dead love died as a human, so if Silas is human when he dies, he would go to the human great beyond and not the supernatural one. So why would the veil need to be down when he died?
b. Unless having been supernatural at one time means you’ll go to the supernatural purgatory no matter the state you die in.
c. Or unless his dead love died as a supe, then he would need the veil down, but why would he want to die if she comes back to this plane? Him dying as a human would again separate them.
And now you all see why I hate this damn story line because it makes NO LOGICAL SENSE! And don’t tell me to just enjoy it because...something...something...fiction! I know that. I lose myself weekly in a show revolving around vampires, witches, werewolves, and teens that don’t have to go to school and openly drink all day. I have suspended my disbelief so much it is in danger if being expelled. But as I keep ranting about, the rules of your world have to make sense within your world, no matter what they are. If there are no rules, then the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man may show up next along with King Kong and Mothra and I can only take so much.
Next stop on the Magical Mystery Tour is the site of the hybrid massacre. Kat has had enough of her toddler leash and is eyeing up Bonbon for a snack when it is pointed out whatever happens to Bonnie happens to Kat. And the charging continues.
Apparently the more energy Bonnie draws the wackier the weather gets and Caroline wonders about it while Bekah snarks at her. The tension is only amplified by the sight of Elena attempting to sublimate her rage on a dartboard when she should be doing it with ANGRY SEX ALL OVER THE BOARDING HOUSE WITH DAMON! Am I the only one who thinks that is the perfect way to get your aggression out? Bekah is going to liquor her up, but Elena has been reading my recaps (shush) and says their Thelma and Louise days are over. Caroline comes over to see if they are still friends and possibly to illicit an apology from Elena which ain’t happening. I’m sort of glad about that as Caroline was a pretty shitty friend to Elena before the switch as ever flipped.
The lights go out and they send the human out first in the sea of flying projectiles to investigate instead of one of the hardier members of the crew, because they never give Matt a thought and it makes me hate them all. Caroline is going to call Liz to see if she knows what’s going on and I laugh so hard I choke on my gum.
They are now at Pastor Young’s for Bonnie to suck up this power source. Bonnie links the final hot spot and I want to bring her to my house to work on my wifi connection.
The crew looks over a map and Stefan shows he went to Geometry a time or two before drawing the expression triangle. They quickly determine the center of evil is Mystic Falls High School. Seems legit. Bonnie was seen leaving the Young farm with “Elena” so they also know the veil dropping is coming early due to Kat having the Qetsooyay rock.
They gather at the school and Elena takes this opportunity to grill Damon like she has Stefan and Caroline. He rightly points out how she is ignoring the zombie apocalypse they are currently in the midst of, but she is in Stefan Rippah mode which entails a one track mind and complete disregard for sound logic.
Stefan and Caroline inspect the cafeteria and the appalling lack of mystery meat in the fridges. Stefan notes the trickly water going down the drain and we go subterranean again. What is with this show and caves? I’m sure the supes coming back wouldn’t have minded a lovely rooftop return.
Elena and Damon stop to have a manipulative and heartbreaking chat in the hallway. He thinks killing Kat will flood her with emotions and set back her recovery by about 100 years (what recovery?) while she says it may take everything back to normal, implying she will be able to love him again and it is so obviously a play on his emotions I am sick. Even sicker is how she then stakes him when he refuses to let her kill herself and I ask myself how this version of Elena is better than switch off Elena, although I think both are still better than human Elena, so what do I know?
Bonnie handles the Blood Rock (Band name! I’m so sorry.) which drips all over the place and Kat is even squicked out. And with a few leaps of flames the veil is down. That was so anticlimactic.
But this isn’t. Alaric! Drink! *Sobs and throws myself dramatically at his feet to cling to his ankles* DON’T EVER LEAVE US AGAIN!
He is so laidback and at ease with Damon you know he is the real deal immediately. He goes to locker 42 (LOST SHOUTOUT!) to retrieve the bourbon stashed within. Who else is now picturing Alaric squirreling bourbon all over Mystic Falls? Like, in the base of the statue in the town square or under the steps of the gazebo or inside the flower pots at Lockwood Mansion. Their reunion is every bit as adorable as it should be. There are smiles! And hugs! And kissing! (Ok, that was only in my version, so sue me.) The veil is only down within the triangle so Alaric must stay inside it and I am OK with the rest of the series taking place inside MFHS. Only the ghosts with a reason to come back are here, including those “looking after their idiot best friends”. So. Much. Crying.
Rebekah goes for the hard sell romantically and I love her even more. It is always the women who are chased on this show and it’s about time someone recognized Matt’s worth and went after him. She has no idea what she is doing, of course, because a sandwich and a paid off electric bill is more likely to get Matt in the sack, but it’s sweet.
Hi, Kol!
Rebekah just wants her brother to get out of the bar before his unhinged self does something to damage the perfect human and Kol just wants revenge. Jeremy is dead, but Elena will do in a pinch. He belittles her desire for Matt and this interaction, I believe, is the glimpse Matt needs to understand why Rebekah is the way she is. The broken bottle to the arm is, however, a bit distracting.
Bonnie lets out some more line on Katherine’s vamp tether so she can investigate a strange noise, which is always a good idea in horror fiction. *whoosh whoosh whoosh* And Elena simultaneously attempts to gut Kat and Bonnie. Elena continues to best Katherine and I already ranted about this. Stefan and Caroline find Bonnie, who informs them Elena is about to be down one BFF if they don’t stop her. One Salvatore tackle later, and Kat is free with a “Really? I’m your biggest problem right now?” I LOVE YOU KAT! Bonnie must have set her loose, because she floats away like a beautiful balloon of logic and awesomeness.
Rebekah picks the glass from Matt who doesn’t want a vamp blood cure due to the consistent history of humans dying with some in their system. Every moment with these two I want to wrap in a blanket. Rebekah finds the first aid kit and a stabby Caroline and I already ranted about this as well. MOVING ON!
So it has been Saroline all along at MFHS. Care never left the Grill, so Silas has always had the ability to get into Bonnie’s head. His powers are limitless and the disfigured version is also bullshit, so you can see my issues with his take down later. We have mad face swapping:
Saroline - Silas - Stilas - Saroline - Stilas - Silas - Stilas - Saroline
There is a confrontation between Elena and Stefan that is filled with transference, avoidance, and the normal leftover baggage from a break-up. The punch was a bit much, but I’ve been wanting to punch his smug face for the better part of 4 seasons, so I’ll allow it.
Damon gets the warning that Silas is among them and asks Ric to find Elena. Ric wonders why Damon isn’t looking for his girlfriend and is immediately able to correctly psychoanalyze Damon’s complete emotional freak out right now.
*Insert ugly semi-misogynistic scene between Caroline and Rebekah here.*
Silas pokes about a million holes in Bonnie’s plan that were there all along, but of course she didn’t see them. When Damon’s voice is heard calling out, Silas turns into Salaric AND I HATE SILAS SO MUCH RIGHT NOW AND I WANT TO KILL HIM LOTS! YOU TAKE YOUR EVILARIC AND GO RIGHT TO HELL YOU BASTARD!
Sevilaric collapses Bonnie’s lungs so he can go fuck with my boyfriend’s head and I am apoplectic.
Elena has a moment beside Jeremy’s grave. Or should I say has a complete mental breakdown? You know what? This is what she needed to have happen. Haven’t you ever had a cathartic cryfest that left you drained completely, but somehow cleansed? Now mine normally occurs after I discover they are sold out of my shoe size in the perfect purple stiletto and not when my entire family has been massacred, but it is roughly equivalent. Sometimes you need to get it all out, no matter how snotty and ugly it is.
Kol is on a hot streak this evening, because he interrupts this heartfelt moment as well. He only needs to cockblock Dalaric and I’d kill him again myself.
Grams! Thank god, you’re here to talk some sense...that will be ignored. *sigh* Well, at least she got Bonnie breathing again. That’s something. She gives Bonnie the pep talk she needs to put down Silas. I think she may have overshot the mark a tad, but first things first.
Damon runs into Sevilaric and IMMEDIATELY KNOWS IT ISN’T ALARIC BECAUSE THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND TRUE LOVE CAN NEVER BE DECEIVED! Hold me! Damon clocks him with the flashlight and wraps a random chain that happens to be down in this cave around his neck. See previous rant about how the unstoppable Silas is brought down by a much younger vamp and a little bit of metal. Yep. And I know this isn’t Alaric, but having to watch him die again, rips out a tiny piece of my soul. I also don’t like how they project that Silas is going to be able to break out of this and we still won’t know what he looks like.
Kol beats on Elena and tells her of the unending torment of screaming at people who cannot hear you and having them ignore your every wish and desire. I think Kol just described fangirling. Elena is ready to die and as Kol deigns to grant her wish, HERE COMES JEREMY AND HIS ARMS! Stefan makes himself useful by shutting down Kol’s yammering and Baby Gilbert gets a moment with his sister who clings to him like the lifeline he is.
Damon and Stefan discuss the plan with Medusa (heh) to drop Silas’s body in the ocean. Elena attempts to make peace with Bonnie who realizes now isn’t the time. Elena needs to be with Jeremy and say goodbye. That plan changes as soon as Bonnie feels Jeremy’s arms around her, and I feel you girl. That would do it for even the most emotionally strong of women. Elena and Stefan have a silent forgiveness moment that sets all the Stelena fans aflutter and my Dalaric heart breaks because when Damon says “there will never be enough time” he is talking about the final moments he is about to have with Ric and not about the Gilbert reunion nor the Delena subtext. That is why I believe Delena should be endgame. There was nothing more to say in that scene between Stefan and Elena. It was done and they could move on. There are a million things left to be said between Damon and Elena. There has been no closure, no agreeable ending, no moment of healing. It is also why the finale is going to fuck us Delena fans over hardcore. I hate myself for saying that, but you know it.
Stefan goes looking for Lexi and after a small delay by Caroline, they are reunited. I want to love Lexi and her relationship with Stefan, but you already know how much blame I put on her shoulders.
Team Badass puts Silas in the trunk and shares a drink, making it feel like old times. Then this happened:
D: I thought you were cutting back.
A: Yeah, I thought you were going to take care of the children.
D: You heard that? Well that’s not creepy.
A: I found this in the dead guy’s pocket.Thought it might do more use here than say 3 miles below sea level.
D: What the hell am I supposed to do with this?
A: Get the girl.
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I am crying and laughing and dancing around the room. Alaric loves Damon, but he also loves Elena. He has been around this entire time and has seen EVERYTHING that has happened and HE KNOWS DAMON AND ELENA BELONG TOGETHER!
Lexi and Stefan bonding - don’t care.
Back to Bonnie who is all hyped up on Jeremy arm feels and the pep talk from earlier. Instead of putting up the veil, she intends to bring Jeremy permanently back from the dead. This won’t end well.
And it doesn’t.
Mabekah bonding, so this has to end poorly, as well. It is Rebekah’s ex, and unlike most exes who just get revenge by dating your BFF, this one wants her dead. So the human stands in front of her. Matt is incredibly stupid about his incredible heroism sometimes.
Power is back up, the veil is still down, and we are now up to 3 of the “Five”. I guess 4, if you add Jeremy. Huh. We need a fifth, don’t we?
Bonnie is dead. Permanently? Maybe, maybe not. Dun dun dah!
And I repeat - Get the girl.
I am confused over the rules of vampirism. I thought the older you are, the tougher you are and yet Elena was able to easily overpower Katherine. How is that even possible? Katherine could take on Stefan and Damon single handedly, but Elena was just too much of a match. Stretching some of the rules of the show has always been given a slight wink and a nod from me, but ignoring them entirely makes me a bit uncomfortable. Especially since Damon was then able to take down Silas. What? A man who can get into everyone’s head and switch bodies 100 times in minutes was undone by a chain? I said during the viewing that the writers had written themselves into a corner with making Silas SO badass and superhuman that whatever took him down would look fairly ridiculous, but I had no idea. Bonnie being able to congeal his blood was perfection, but Damon should never have been able to hold him still to be able to do it.
My other stomach turning issue is the treatment of women. The torture of Elena last week and the total negation of her wants has made me very uncomfortable for weeks, but two incidents in this episode were also disturbing. First, the Caroline cutting. I won’t go all “won’t someone think of the children” because you need to think of your own damn children if you have any, but on a show watched by so many teens it was an uncomfortable scene. Even more uncomfortable was the one played for laughs with Rebekah slapping a hysterical Caroline to make her snap out of it. There is a long history in cinema, literature, and real life of women being portrayed as overly emotional and a little violence is all that is needed to make them come around. You’ll notice that no one thinks to slap Damon, or Stefan, or Jeremy when they have been compelled to do something because of course that wouldn’t work to overcome mind control. Yet it is done to Caroline and it did work, which is fucking ridiculous.
So get your mythology straight before the next season, because this one has been a hot mess. Now that’s been said, let’s recap this bitch so I can have another drink at the Grill. By the way, that seat’s taken.
We begin with a kick-ass song, which always sets a good tone for a Mystic Falls Home Movie. Stefan is teaching Elena to sublimate and redirect her emotions and cravings because that has worked out so well for him. Stefan has never heard of the word moderation. He is an all or nothing kind of man who is fairly emotionally crippled by it. So let’s put him in charge of the rage machine, shall we? Maybe if someone helped Elena with moderation in regards to Katherine she would just write a nasty comment about Kat in her burn book or spread a rumor that her hair was really a weave. You know, healthy and normal teen revenge scenarios.
Elena points out that Stefan wanted to kill Klaus and instead of focusing on the fact Stefan was unable to because Klaus is so much older (see my rant earlier about the wonkie nature of vampire age mythology), maybe they should have focused on the HELLFIRE RAINED DOWN ON THE TOWN BY KLAUS BECAUSE STEFAN’S DUMBASS REVENGE ATTEMPTS PISSED HIM OFF SO MUCH. That is where the lesson is. If you kill Katherine you have a fleeting sense of accomplishment and then you still need to face your screwed up life. If you fail to kill her, you have a magnificent, vindictive bitch after you for the next millenium who is the smartest person to ever grace this show AND SHE WANTS YOUR ASS TO SUFFER. Told ya humanity switch “on” Elena was smart as a box of rocks.
Matt and Rebekah discuss human graduation traditions and I want to love them forever. Matt doesn’t think a graduation check is coming his way from the wayward Kelly Donovan, but the look on Rebekah’s face says she will gladly dump her entire net worth in his lap to make his life easier.
Caroline and Elena address their own announcements in the bright sunshine and I almost catch a glimpse of the glittery unicorn Care once was. *sigh* Explain to me how Elena, who is the child of a doctor and a prominent family in this town, has absolutely no one who is checking in on her. Yes, her immediate family may all be dead, but those in the upper echelon of society have a bagillion contacts and connections. Not a one remembers their colleague’s child? Yeah, not buying it and the Denver call out even falls flat. Caroline is in a similar position and has boxes of announcements to send out. I buy it with Matt, but never with Elena.
Katherine is not pleased to have ruined her shoes to trudge through a creepy forest to get to creepy Bonnie. That line made me think Katherine and Pam from True Blood would be BFFs and now that I’ve thought it, I need to make this fanfiction happen! Anyway, we are at the spot where 12 (soon to be 13 according to Kat) witches died and apparently Bonnie is a big ole Eveready battery needing to suck up the electrical juices of the sacrifice sites to be able to drop the veil. Bonnie lays out the plan to drop the veil and ask Quetsooyay (sorry, but this is now her name forever) for two favors:
1. Permanently kill or stop the man she loved/despised. That may possibly happen.
2. Give some random stranger immortality out of the kindness of her heart. I don’t see that happening in any way shape or form. Why would Q give two fucks about Kat?
Katherine rightly sees the gaping holes in the plan to bring all of the supernatural creatures back to this plane and think you have any control over how things turn out. She is about to jet and I cannot blame her, but Bonnie was smart (?) enough to tether them together. Knowing how many people wish to harm Kat, this may not have been thought through that completely, but when does anyone in this town think through the consequences of their actions? Bonnie has a small hint of an arrogant smile around her lips that will also come back to bite her later.
The brothers Salvatore meet up at the hospital to talk about Damon’s avoidance (he is) and Stefan’s idiocy (it is) while Liz Forbes, looking very perky after having basically died recently, points out the obvious issue they now face. There are several drained bodies and it is very hard to claim an animal attack in a hospital unless it has a research lab on the premises using wolverines as test subjects. I keep thinking in terms of volume and I can’t help picturing Silas wobbling along like a gelatinous blob with all that blood sloshing around inside him. Although, with the sloppy damn job he did of draining them but leaving big puddles of consumable blood behind has me thinking he should really work on efficiency.
Liz wants to know what the hell he is fueling up for and Damon walks through the steps for those playing at home who still didn’t get the order of things, even though it has been spelled out repeatedly. In case you don’t get it, here they all are in their nonsensical glory. Once you’ve read them explain to me how this makes any sense.:
1. Bonnie drops the veil to the other side so there is no longer a supernatural purgatory.
2. This will allow all the dead supes to come back into our plane, but that is truly irrelevant to Silas’s plan. Or is it?
3. Silas will take the cure so he is human and then will kill himself to join his dead love.
a. But I thought his dead love died as a human, so if Silas is human when he dies, he would go to the human great beyond and not the supernatural one. So why would the veil need to be down when he died?
b. Unless having been supernatural at one time means you’ll go to the supernatural purgatory no matter the state you die in.
c. Or unless his dead love died as a supe, then he would need the veil down, but why would he want to die if she comes back to this plane? Him dying as a human would again separate them.
And now you all see why I hate this damn story line because it makes NO LOGICAL SENSE! And don’t tell me to just enjoy it because...something...something...fiction! I know that. I lose myself weekly in a show revolving around vampires, witches, werewolves, and teens that don’t have to go to school and openly drink all day. I have suspended my disbelief so much it is in danger if being expelled. But as I keep ranting about, the rules of your world have to make sense within your world, no matter what they are. If there are no rules, then the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man may show up next along with King Kong and Mothra and I can only take so much.
Next stop on the Magical Mystery Tour is the site of the hybrid massacre. Kat has had enough of her toddler leash and is eyeing up Bonbon for a snack when it is pointed out whatever happens to Bonnie happens to Kat. And the charging continues.
Apparently the more energy Bonnie draws the wackier the weather gets and Caroline wonders about it while Bekah snarks at her. The tension is only amplified by the sight of Elena attempting to sublimate her rage on a dartboard when she should be doing it with ANGRY SEX ALL OVER THE BOARDING HOUSE WITH DAMON! Am I the only one who thinks that is the perfect way to get your aggression out? Bekah is going to liquor her up, but Elena has been reading my recaps (shush) and says their Thelma and Louise days are over. Caroline comes over to see if they are still friends and possibly to illicit an apology from Elena which ain’t happening. I’m sort of glad about that as Caroline was a pretty shitty friend to Elena before the switch as ever flipped.
The lights go out and they send the human out first in the sea of flying projectiles to investigate instead of one of the hardier members of the crew, because they never give Matt a thought and it makes me hate them all. Caroline is going to call Liz to see if she knows what’s going on and I laugh so hard I choke on my gum.
They are now at Pastor Young’s for Bonnie to suck up this power source. Bonnie links the final hot spot and I want to bring her to my house to work on my wifi connection.
The crew looks over a map and Stefan shows he went to Geometry a time or two before drawing the expression triangle. They quickly determine the center of evil is Mystic Falls High School. Seems legit. Bonnie was seen leaving the Young farm with “Elena” so they also know the veil dropping is coming early due to Kat having the Qetsooyay rock.
They gather at the school and Elena takes this opportunity to grill Damon like she has Stefan and Caroline. He rightly points out how she is ignoring the zombie apocalypse they are currently in the midst of, but she is in Stefan Rippah mode which entails a one track mind and complete disregard for sound logic.
Stefan and Caroline inspect the cafeteria and the appalling lack of mystery meat in the fridges. Stefan notes the trickly water going down the drain and we go subterranean again. What is with this show and caves? I’m sure the supes coming back wouldn’t have minded a lovely rooftop return.
Elena and Damon stop to have a manipulative and heartbreaking chat in the hallway. He thinks killing Kat will flood her with emotions and set back her recovery by about 100 years (what recovery?) while she says it may take everything back to normal, implying she will be able to love him again and it is so obviously a play on his emotions I am sick. Even sicker is how she then stakes him when he refuses to let her kill herself and I ask myself how this version of Elena is better than switch off Elena, although I think both are still better than human Elena, so what do I know?
Bonnie handles the Blood Rock (Band name! I’m so sorry.) which drips all over the place and Kat is even squicked out. And with a few leaps of flames the veil is down. That was so anticlimactic.
But this isn’t. Alaric! Drink! *Sobs and throws myself dramatically at his feet to cling to his ankles* DON’T EVER LEAVE US AGAIN!
He is so laidback and at ease with Damon you know he is the real deal immediately. He goes to locker 42 (LOST SHOUTOUT!) to retrieve the bourbon stashed within. Who else is now picturing Alaric squirreling bourbon all over Mystic Falls? Like, in the base of the statue in the town square or under the steps of the gazebo or inside the flower pots at Lockwood Mansion. Their reunion is every bit as adorable as it should be. There are smiles! And hugs! And kissing! (Ok, that was only in my version, so sue me.) The veil is only down within the triangle so Alaric must stay inside it and I am OK with the rest of the series taking place inside MFHS. Only the ghosts with a reason to come back are here, including those “looking after their idiot best friends”. So. Much. Crying.
Rebekah goes for the hard sell romantically and I love her even more. It is always the women who are chased on this show and it’s about time someone recognized Matt’s worth and went after him. She has no idea what she is doing, of course, because a sandwich and a paid off electric bill is more likely to get Matt in the sack, but it’s sweet.
Hi, Kol!
Rebekah just wants her brother to get out of the bar before his unhinged self does something to damage the perfect human and Kol just wants revenge. Jeremy is dead, but Elena will do in a pinch. He belittles her desire for Matt and this interaction, I believe, is the glimpse Matt needs to understand why Rebekah is the way she is. The broken bottle to the arm is, however, a bit distracting.
Bonnie lets out some more line on Katherine’s vamp tether so she can investigate a strange noise, which is always a good idea in horror fiction. *whoosh whoosh whoosh* And Elena simultaneously attempts to gut Kat and Bonnie. Elena continues to best Katherine and I already ranted about this. Stefan and Caroline find Bonnie, who informs them Elena is about to be down one BFF if they don’t stop her. One Salvatore tackle later, and Kat is free with a “Really? I’m your biggest problem right now?” I LOVE YOU KAT! Bonnie must have set her loose, because she floats away like a beautiful balloon of logic and awesomeness.
Rebekah picks the glass from Matt who doesn’t want a vamp blood cure due to the consistent history of humans dying with some in their system. Every moment with these two I want to wrap in a blanket. Rebekah finds the first aid kit and a stabby Caroline and I already ranted about this as well. MOVING ON!
So it has been Saroline all along at MFHS. Care never left the Grill, so Silas has always had the ability to get into Bonnie’s head. His powers are limitless and the disfigured version is also bullshit, so you can see my issues with his take down later. We have mad face swapping:
Saroline - Silas - Stilas - Saroline - Stilas - Silas - Stilas - Saroline
There is a confrontation between Elena and Stefan that is filled with transference, avoidance, and the normal leftover baggage from a break-up. The punch was a bit much, but I’ve been wanting to punch his smug face for the better part of 4 seasons, so I’ll allow it.
Damon gets the warning that Silas is among them and asks Ric to find Elena. Ric wonders why Damon isn’t looking for his girlfriend and is immediately able to correctly psychoanalyze Damon’s complete emotional freak out right now.
*Insert ugly semi-misogynistic scene between Caroline and Rebekah here.*
Silas pokes about a million holes in Bonnie’s plan that were there all along, but of course she didn’t see them. When Damon’s voice is heard calling out, Silas turns into Salaric AND I HATE SILAS SO MUCH RIGHT NOW AND I WANT TO KILL HIM LOTS! YOU TAKE YOUR EVILARIC AND GO RIGHT TO HELL YOU BASTARD!
Sevilaric collapses Bonnie’s lungs so he can go fuck with my boyfriend’s head and I am apoplectic.
Elena has a moment beside Jeremy’s grave. Or should I say has a complete mental breakdown? You know what? This is what she needed to have happen. Haven’t you ever had a cathartic cryfest that left you drained completely, but somehow cleansed? Now mine normally occurs after I discover they are sold out of my shoe size in the perfect purple stiletto and not when my entire family has been massacred, but it is roughly equivalent. Sometimes you need to get it all out, no matter how snotty and ugly it is.
Kol is on a hot streak this evening, because he interrupts this heartfelt moment as well. He only needs to cockblock Dalaric and I’d kill him again myself.
Grams! Thank god, you’re here to talk some sense...that will be ignored. *sigh* Well, at least she got Bonnie breathing again. That’s something. She gives Bonnie the pep talk she needs to put down Silas. I think she may have overshot the mark a tad, but first things first.
Damon runs into Sevilaric and IMMEDIATELY KNOWS IT ISN’T ALARIC BECAUSE THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND TRUE LOVE CAN NEVER BE DECEIVED! Hold me! Damon clocks him with the flashlight and wraps a random chain that happens to be down in this cave around his neck. See previous rant about how the unstoppable Silas is brought down by a much younger vamp and a little bit of metal. Yep. And I know this isn’t Alaric, but having to watch him die again, rips out a tiny piece of my soul. I also don’t like how they project that Silas is going to be able to break out of this and we still won’t know what he looks like.
Kol beats on Elena and tells her of the unending torment of screaming at people who cannot hear you and having them ignore your every wish and desire. I think Kol just described fangirling. Elena is ready to die and as Kol deigns to grant her wish, HERE COMES JEREMY AND HIS ARMS! Stefan makes himself useful by shutting down Kol’s yammering and Baby Gilbert gets a moment with his sister who clings to him like the lifeline he is.
Damon and Stefan discuss the plan with Medusa (heh) to drop Silas’s body in the ocean. Elena attempts to make peace with Bonnie who realizes now isn’t the time. Elena needs to be with Jeremy and say goodbye. That plan changes as soon as Bonnie feels Jeremy’s arms around her, and I feel you girl. That would do it for even the most emotionally strong of women. Elena and Stefan have a silent forgiveness moment that sets all the Stelena fans aflutter and my Dalaric heart breaks because when Damon says “there will never be enough time” he is talking about the final moments he is about to have with Ric and not about the Gilbert reunion nor the Delena subtext. That is why I believe Delena should be endgame. There was nothing more to say in that scene between Stefan and Elena. It was done and they could move on. There are a million things left to be said between Damon and Elena. There has been no closure, no agreeable ending, no moment of healing. It is also why the finale is going to fuck us Delena fans over hardcore. I hate myself for saying that, but you know it.
Stefan goes looking for Lexi and after a small delay by Caroline, they are reunited. I want to love Lexi and her relationship with Stefan, but you already know how much blame I put on her shoulders.
Team Badass puts Silas in the trunk and shares a drink, making it feel like old times. Then this happened:
D: I thought you were cutting back.
A: Yeah, I thought you were going to take care of the children.
D: You heard that? Well that’s not creepy.
A: I found this in the dead guy’s pocket.Thought it might do more use here than say 3 miles below sea level.
D: What the hell am I supposed to do with this?
A: Get the girl.
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I am crying and laughing and dancing around the room. Alaric loves Damon, but he also loves Elena. He has been around this entire time and has seen EVERYTHING that has happened and HE KNOWS DAMON AND ELENA BELONG TOGETHER!
Lexi and Stefan bonding - don’t care.
Back to Bonnie who is all hyped up on Jeremy arm feels and the pep talk from earlier. Instead of putting up the veil, she intends to bring Jeremy permanently back from the dead. This won’t end well.
And it doesn’t.
Mabekah bonding, so this has to end poorly, as well. It is Rebekah’s ex, and unlike most exes who just get revenge by dating your BFF, this one wants her dead. So the human stands in front of her. Matt is incredibly stupid about his incredible heroism sometimes.
Power is back up, the veil is still down, and we are now up to 3 of the “Five”. I guess 4, if you add Jeremy. Huh. We need a fifth, don’t we?
Bonnie is dead. Permanently? Maybe, maybe not. Dun dun dah!
And I repeat - Get the girl.