I just can’t even with this episode. And this season. And the Salvatores. And Silas. And the cure. Are you getting a pattern here? Look, I love this show very much and think this season has had many high points and I even agree with several story lines that others hate. I’ll list a few:
1. Elena telling Damon she loves him.
2. Stefan and Elena realizing they make each other boring.
3. Damon and Elena sex.
4. Elena becoming a kickass and damn smart vampire.
5. Damon and Elena sex.
6. Rebekah and her sympathetic struggles to find humanity.
7. Damon and Elena sex.
8. The Originals spinoff.
9. Bonnie getting some real power and possibly going all rogue witch.
10. Damon and Elena sex.
Onto things I have hated:
1. Jeremy dying.
2. Damon and Elena having approximately 5 minutes of happiness.
3. The only one to think maybe raising an immortal who will bring about the zombie apocalypse is bad is Kol and THEY KILL HIM, TOO.
2. Elena “wanting” the cure.
3. Every mother fucker being all smug about the sire bond as if that is the only thing causing Elena to love Damon and want to bounce on him like a pogo stick.
4. Everyone wanting to force feed Elena the cure.
5. The destruction of Caroline’s character and making her one half of the shrieking harpies with Stefan.
6. Everyone ignoring Elena’s words like she’s 5.
7. Every flashback with Lexi proving how she is the one who fucked up Stefan.
8. The hate from fans who can’t tell fiction from reality for Hayley/Phoebe Tonkin who is FUCKING AWESOME ON BOTH COUNTS.
9. Damon ever going along with any idea from Stefan.
10. Plot Point...er...April.
Now that the ranting is out of the way...on to the recap! This episode was heavy on the torture and very light on the advancement of story, so forgive me if the recap is VERY short. No matter how angry I am with them, I never like to see characters I love being put through immense pain and there are only so many ways to write - “They burn her, she screams, then they stuff her in a safe.” I did give my capslock button a workout, so there’s that. Onward!
This is immediately tipped off as a dream sequence because they are at school. Even Elena is all “The fuck?” with Matt is in the background all “Seriously, I know.”
“What. Something’s not right. This purse is far too tacky.”
Damon shows up in the “dream”, as he shows up in all of our dreams. (Shut up! You know he does.) He speaks of homework and dances as if that’s a real draw for someone who has gone through the crap Elena has. “Turn your humanity on and you can have study hall and get groped by a freshman in the coat room!” Think I’d pass as well. He wants to make her nostalgic for high school and from what I understand it takes a good 20 years for that to set in, or at least one failed marriage and a job at a car dealership. I’ll let you know when it happens to me.
He decides to go a different way to get a response out of her and chooses the one I have been screaming about for weeks. TAKE HER HARD AGAINST THE WALL AND MAKE HER SCREAM OUT IN ECSTASY. No one is bitchy after a good orgasm. The pullback on Damon’s kissy face is priceless and entirely worth watching this hour for. If anyone has a link to a gif of it, please send it to me now. I will love you forever. Who will be the human wet blanket to stop more Delena sex from happening? Why Stefan, of course. I think part of it is because even over at Caroline’s, Stefan heard the screaming Elena did that night and is a little put off. Before I get hate mail, I want Stefan to find a nice girl or guy (no judgements!) to do dirty wonderful things with. I want him happy and there is no way that is with Elena. They bring out the absolute worst in each other and whenever Stefan is away from her I LOVE HIM!
Yep. Locked her in a safe. Seems appropriate since Elena is the most precious thing in the world to Damon, even though he treats her in ways this episode that make me wish Elena does break free and mutilates them both. I second her “Go to hell.” and I have never said that about him. NEVER. They have decided what is best for her, as they have always done with very mixed results, and there is no room for any of her wants or needs. That’s a healthy relationship right there.
Stefan tries to explain to Caroline how the Lexi Plan, otherwise known as The Plan that Made Stefan the Emotional and Bloodlust Cripple He is Today, will make Elena into a balanced vampire and Caroline isn’t buying it. Neither should anyone ever. It’s the dumbest plan in the history of dumb plans since the invention of sneakers with wheels that pop out.
Eventually Caroline gets to see Elena and it goes just as well as you’d expect. Yes, Elena is vindictive and hurtful in all she is saying, but look at it this way - Caroline has been a total shit to Elena and ignored being a good friend to her forever. Even if you don’t agree with your friend’s choices, if they are non life threatening, or equally as life threatening as the ones you wish her to make, you don’t call her choices stupid and berate her for making them. Nor do you negate her emotions, which Caroline has also done on a number of occasions. And I am sick to death, and so is Elena, of people having the audacity to tell her who she is. What I’m saying is Elena has some righteous baggage with a lot of these people and she is unpacking it. Atta girl.
“Nobody likes a tease. Hey, I’m not judging. Might be nice to have a bad boy ruffle those perfect feathers.” Not sure I would have phrased it that way, but I can kinda get behind it. The remarks about her mom may have been a bit much, so I can also get behind the neck snap Caroline gives her.
Rebekah is doing shots and I only want to sit beside her and pour or at least hold her perfect ponytail later when she barfs out all her feelings. Her favorite human, and mine, comes up to talk to her and she is so needy for his acceptance while being unable to let go of her cool persona. I agree with her that Elena is so much better this way than she was before. Not best, mind you, like I’ve said 1000 times, but definitely better than the perennial victim she was. Matt just wants his friend back. And maybe a sandwich.
Side rant - How in the ever-loving fuck is Matt broke and desperate? After all of the things he has done for these people, one of them should have set up a trust fund with their vampire billions so he never needed to work again. And someone is using compulsion on teachers for Elena, Caroline, and Bonnie if they are going to graduate, so they should already have taken care of Matty, WITHOUT HIM ASKING! I know Tyler left him a house, but that was kinda for selfish reasons. Did he also leave him money for the upkeep of the house? If not, them Matt just has more bills to pay. A SCHOLARSHIP SHOULD BE THE LEAST OF HIS CONCERNS BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE SWIMMING IN FREE CASH! I am so pissed at all of them for not taking care of him that I am almost blind with rage. And here is Rebekah to jump in and offer to help him in any way she can, because deep down she is the vampire version of Matt. Blonde, beautiful and benevolent.
Bonnie is all “Oh, hell no.” when asked to help with the destruction of Elena. She has bigger Katfish to fry.
Tied to a chair and placed in front of Damon’s favorite self-immolation window, Elena can’t help but notice the fire extinguisher and lack of daylight ring. The smug that rolls off both of the Salvatores is vile and smoke comes from my ears as it comes from her skin. Let me point out how much many of you, including myself, were disgusted when Papa Forbes did this to Caroline, but I am not a hypocrite and I hate it just as much when the Salvatores do it. When she says she wants to kill them both, I cheer because they are torturing her due to THINGS THEY CAUSED! “We made you this way, Elena, through a number of twists and turns, and now we are GOING TO BURN YOU ALIVE BECAUSE OF OUR FUCK UPS AND UNWILLINGNESS TO ACCEPT YOU AS YOU ARE!” Stefan couldn’t accept that Elena no longer loved him and being a vampire is NOT THE WORST THING EVER and Damon could not accept that maybe someone actually loved him and Elena would could evolve past this phase if given some goddamn time.
The way Stefan patronizes her and Damon smarms at her make me wish for a very large vervain bomb. Or at least stuff them in vervain boxer briefs.
Caroline and Matt talk and I remember a time I wanted them together. A time when Caroline was sweet and made a lovely friend. This scene reminds me of all the ways I loved her and the ways she can be thoughtful. Ordering caps and gowns for everyone is perfectly her.
Rebekah shows up and I want to hug her. She brought food, knowing there is only blood and bourbon here. Hey! I resent that remark! I always have cupcakes as well. Anyway, she also came to help Matt, because she actually pays attention to him, unlike some people. He is behind in history (Alaric! Drink!), Italian (Seriously? With 2 Salvatores?), and math. Caroline is ultra bitchy to Rebekah and she needs to dial it down a bit. Although Bekah’s “You dated that.” and Matt’s soft smile make it all worth it. I am team #Mabekah and I have no shame about it.
Caroline is off to get flash cards and instead is flashed with a perfect set of dimples on Klilas.
Bonnie was the mcguffin, er, tombstone. She is hiding from Silas because while she has agreed to drop the veil to the other side, she has something else up her sleeve. Bonnie doesn’t want to spill her secret plans to Kat who could easily be made to tell Silas, but Silas no longer has any sway over Bonbon. Kat asks her standard question, “What’s in it for me?” which is perfectly valid. Why should she help the Mystic Falls Gang? Bonnie promises to make it worth her while. So, a lifetime subscription to LeatherWorld magazine?
Next Elena lashes out at Damon and who can blame her since he is currently SETTING HER ON FIRE. But vampire Elena is no dummy and she understands that no matter how much pain they intent to put her through, there is no real chance they will harm her. It’s just a waiting game and she proves it by ripping back the curtains. They spring into action and put out flaming Elena.
Damon is pissed that torture didn’t work and Stefan points out she has nothing to come back for TO THE BEST REASON SHE HAS FOR COMING BACK STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. They discuss who else can bring pain to the person they love and I am too grossed out to write more.
HI! I’m really Klaus! Just ignore the fact I am leading you away from anyone who could hear you scream. It is interesting that when Silas taps into Caroline’s darkest thoughts they are all of Klaus coming to beg her to leave Mystic Falls. Deep down, she knows he’s right. This town will never be enough for her and can you IMAGINE Caroline in New Orleans throwing elaborately themed and costumed parties? She would be in heaven!
Of course this is Klilas and oh my god, is he hot! Raging Klaus is the very definition of UNF and I am A-OK with Silas being inside of him anytime. And then him inside of...you finish the sentence. He wants to know where his witch has gone, but Caroline doesn’t know. One erotic, ear whispering threat later and Caroline is staked and down for the count.
Matt uses product placement to learn Italian while Rebekah cutely teases him. I swear these two are like a basket full of kittens. Or puppies. Or kittens playing with puppies. Rebekah rightly points out the reason he is in this predicament is because of the very people he is afraid will leave him behind.
“You need better friends.” This is so very true.
Rebekah offers to be that better friend and she is exactly right that people use different advantages everyday to get ahead. A family name, political connections, and money are not so different than some compulsion. She says she will never leave him behind and I hope that means she’s taking him to New Orleans when she goes. She could buy the bar Sophie and Replacement Caroline work in and let him run it. SOMEONE CALL JULIE PLEC!
Damon is mean to Matt. (Growls)
Matt tries to get ahold of Caroline who is just coming to. The stake is gone, so she should know Silas is now Milas. Milas threatens Liz, Klilas stops her from getting into the Boarding House, Caroline calls to warn her mother, and Silas appears at her car window. Caroline drives off.
“Oh, honey, you look awful.” Hee. I love Kat. Of course, Kat does nothing out of the goodness of her heart and wants to know why Elijah turned on her. Thinking Elena holds the key, Kat exposes her weakness...Elijah. Girl, he is a weakness to anyone with style. Eyeball feeding is threatened before it really turns ugly. Kat decides the Lexi Plan only leads to narcissistic personality disorders (duh) and decides to let Elena fend for herself. One unlocked safe later and she is outy.
Kat and Damon snipe at each other and Stefan comes in with news that neither may get the girl because Elena has taken advantage if the open safe to jet. Damon claims Matt for the ride along and Bekah is jumping right in to wonder why he needs to be endangered yet again. Matty doesn't listen and goes with Damon. Right here is when my heart fell.
Caroline gets home to Liz who is currently still Liz because she has her cell phone which is like the ultimate symbol of humanity or something.
Elena wanders emaciated and worn out through the woods, as people in horror shows tend to do. Elena does the “victim in need of assistance so I can suck your blood” ruse, but this time it is not ruse as the girl is hurting. It is Matt and she vamps out to go for the throat. He tries to talk her down, but as we all know, the Lexi Plan does not teach control, it teaches all or nothing. So she feeds and I worry.
Bonnie shows up at Casa Forbes and immediately unmasks Liz currently as Silas. When Caroline left Liz alone, Silas must have swooped in to replace her. One less set of door hinges and Bonnie is in, agreeing to whatever he wants as long as her friends are unharmed. Meanwhile, Caroline is doing the vampire version of CPR and Liz doesn’t look so hot. The cure (god, I hate even typing the word when it has nothing to do with that stupid story line) isn’t working.
Elena is trying to get a blood loss weakened Matt up and moving to either drain him more or drive her into town for a snack. The Salvatores swoop in and the moment Damon starts the threaten Matt I actually feel better. No matter how much this season has screwed with character development, there is no way Damon is killing Matt. I knew there had to be a loophole and instantly remembered Elena gave Damon the eternity ring. Matt had to be wearing it. And since Matt is so beautifully human, who better than him to bring Elena’s humanity back? No one, that’s who.
It happens in an instant and Damon is not stupid, He knew it had to be believable and because these idiots always think the worst of him, they think he actually did it. Killed Matt. I can’t tell you how much that irritates me. Anyway, Elena’s reaction is swift and complete. She cannot breath she is so overcome with grief and regret. Damon only tortures her with this for a moment before displaying Jeremy’s ring, but a moment was all she needed for it all to rush back.
And once they start rushing in, they all come back. She is faced with every decision, act, and word from when she was forced to turn her humanity off and Matt’s truck pays the price. Poor Matt and his trucks. Hope Rebekah also bought him auto insurance. Stefan tells her to focus on the thing that makes her want to live and I am SCREAMING DAMON DAMON DAMON FOCUS ON DAMON! Bitch won’t listen.
Damon asks if she’s OK and then immediately winces at the stupidity of his own question.
Caroline now uses a vampire epinephrine shot to jolt old Liz and at first it appears she has gone on to the great police station in the sky, but she pulls through. It truly is a tearful scene, but I am so drained at this point it sorta flows past me.
Matt awakens to a very tense Rebekah who promptly gives him a drink. Hey, if I die and come back, I’d like a drink as well. She tell him that it worked and Elena will be back to her boring old self again. Hah! You forgot stupid, Bekah! She apologizes for her part in all this, but I see her for as much of a pawn as Matt is. She also vows to make things right, but she puts a deadline of graduation, so the girl hasn’t gone all martyr on us. No, that’ll be Elena’s job now that she’s back.
Kat meets up with Bonnie again to hear out the deal she wishes to make. The tombstone contains the blood of Qetsiyah, whom Kat hilariously calls Ketsooyae because she is awesome. Kat has figured out Bonnie has her own scheme beyond Silas. Bonnie offers Kat the one thing she wants more than anything. And end to fear and running. Invulnerability. Kat drools at the very prospect.
Elena sits with the Salvatore brothers and lets them know that along with gaining her humanity, she has lost 50 IQ points. You see, she has decided that Kat is the source of all her issues, WHICH IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS, and wants her dead. *facepalms*
And the Salvatores realize their plan didn’t quite turn out as they had hoped. Oopsy.
1. Elena telling Damon she loves him.
2. Stefan and Elena realizing they make each other boring.
3. Damon and Elena sex.
4. Elena becoming a kickass and damn smart vampire.
5. Damon and Elena sex.
6. Rebekah and her sympathetic struggles to find humanity.
7. Damon and Elena sex.
8. The Originals spinoff.
9. Bonnie getting some real power and possibly going all rogue witch.
10. Damon and Elena sex.
Onto things I have hated:
1. Jeremy dying.
2. Damon and Elena having approximately 5 minutes of happiness.
3. The only one to think maybe raising an immortal who will bring about the zombie apocalypse is bad is Kol and THEY KILL HIM, TOO.
2. Elena “wanting” the cure.
3. Every mother fucker being all smug about the sire bond as if that is the only thing causing Elena to love Damon and want to bounce on him like a pogo stick.
4. Everyone wanting to force feed Elena the cure.
5. The destruction of Caroline’s character and making her one half of the shrieking harpies with Stefan.
6. Everyone ignoring Elena’s words like she’s 5.
7. Every flashback with Lexi proving how she is the one who fucked up Stefan.
8. The hate from fans who can’t tell fiction from reality for Hayley/Phoebe Tonkin who is FUCKING AWESOME ON BOTH COUNTS.
9. Damon ever going along with any idea from Stefan.
10. Plot Point...er...April.
Now that the ranting is out of the way...on to the recap! This episode was heavy on the torture and very light on the advancement of story, so forgive me if the recap is VERY short. No matter how angry I am with them, I never like to see characters I love being put through immense pain and there are only so many ways to write - “They burn her, she screams, then they stuff her in a safe.” I did give my capslock button a workout, so there’s that. Onward!
This is immediately tipped off as a dream sequence because they are at school. Even Elena is all “The fuck?” with Matt is in the background all “Seriously, I know.”
“What. Something’s not right. This purse is far too tacky.”
Damon shows up in the “dream”, as he shows up in all of our dreams. (Shut up! You know he does.) He speaks of homework and dances as if that’s a real draw for someone who has gone through the crap Elena has. “Turn your humanity on and you can have study hall and get groped by a freshman in the coat room!” Think I’d pass as well. He wants to make her nostalgic for high school and from what I understand it takes a good 20 years for that to set in, or at least one failed marriage and a job at a car dealership. I’ll let you know when it happens to me.
He decides to go a different way to get a response out of her and chooses the one I have been screaming about for weeks. TAKE HER HARD AGAINST THE WALL AND MAKE HER SCREAM OUT IN ECSTASY. No one is bitchy after a good orgasm. The pullback on Damon’s kissy face is priceless and entirely worth watching this hour for. If anyone has a link to a gif of it, please send it to me now. I will love you forever. Who will be the human wet blanket to stop more Delena sex from happening? Why Stefan, of course. I think part of it is because even over at Caroline’s, Stefan heard the screaming Elena did that night and is a little put off. Before I get hate mail, I want Stefan to find a nice girl or guy (no judgements!) to do dirty wonderful things with. I want him happy and there is no way that is with Elena. They bring out the absolute worst in each other and whenever Stefan is away from her I LOVE HIM!
Yep. Locked her in a safe. Seems appropriate since Elena is the most precious thing in the world to Damon, even though he treats her in ways this episode that make me wish Elena does break free and mutilates them both. I second her “Go to hell.” and I have never said that about him. NEVER. They have decided what is best for her, as they have always done with very mixed results, and there is no room for any of her wants or needs. That’s a healthy relationship right there.
Stefan tries to explain to Caroline how the Lexi Plan, otherwise known as The Plan that Made Stefan the Emotional and Bloodlust Cripple He is Today, will make Elena into a balanced vampire and Caroline isn’t buying it. Neither should anyone ever. It’s the dumbest plan in the history of dumb plans since the invention of sneakers with wheels that pop out.
Eventually Caroline gets to see Elena and it goes just as well as you’d expect. Yes, Elena is vindictive and hurtful in all she is saying, but look at it this way - Caroline has been a total shit to Elena and ignored being a good friend to her forever. Even if you don’t agree with your friend’s choices, if they are non life threatening, or equally as life threatening as the ones you wish her to make, you don’t call her choices stupid and berate her for making them. Nor do you negate her emotions, which Caroline has also done on a number of occasions. And I am sick to death, and so is Elena, of people having the audacity to tell her who she is. What I’m saying is Elena has some righteous baggage with a lot of these people and she is unpacking it. Atta girl.
“Nobody likes a tease. Hey, I’m not judging. Might be nice to have a bad boy ruffle those perfect feathers.” Not sure I would have phrased it that way, but I can kinda get behind it. The remarks about her mom may have been a bit much, so I can also get behind the neck snap Caroline gives her.
Rebekah is doing shots and I only want to sit beside her and pour or at least hold her perfect ponytail later when she barfs out all her feelings. Her favorite human, and mine, comes up to talk to her and she is so needy for his acceptance while being unable to let go of her cool persona. I agree with her that Elena is so much better this way than she was before. Not best, mind you, like I’ve said 1000 times, but definitely better than the perennial victim she was. Matt just wants his friend back. And maybe a sandwich.
Side rant - How in the ever-loving fuck is Matt broke and desperate? After all of the things he has done for these people, one of them should have set up a trust fund with their vampire billions so he never needed to work again. And someone is using compulsion on teachers for Elena, Caroline, and Bonnie if they are going to graduate, so they should already have taken care of Matty, WITHOUT HIM ASKING! I know Tyler left him a house, but that was kinda for selfish reasons. Did he also leave him money for the upkeep of the house? If not, them Matt just has more bills to pay. A SCHOLARSHIP SHOULD BE THE LEAST OF HIS CONCERNS BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE SWIMMING IN FREE CASH! I am so pissed at all of them for not taking care of him that I am almost blind with rage. And here is Rebekah to jump in and offer to help him in any way she can, because deep down she is the vampire version of Matt. Blonde, beautiful and benevolent.
Bonnie is all “Oh, hell no.” when asked to help with the destruction of Elena. She has bigger Katfish to fry.
Tied to a chair and placed in front of Damon’s favorite self-immolation window, Elena can’t help but notice the fire extinguisher and lack of daylight ring. The smug that rolls off both of the Salvatores is vile and smoke comes from my ears as it comes from her skin. Let me point out how much many of you, including myself, were disgusted when Papa Forbes did this to Caroline, but I am not a hypocrite and I hate it just as much when the Salvatores do it. When she says she wants to kill them both, I cheer because they are torturing her due to THINGS THEY CAUSED! “We made you this way, Elena, through a number of twists and turns, and now we are GOING TO BURN YOU ALIVE BECAUSE OF OUR FUCK UPS AND UNWILLINGNESS TO ACCEPT YOU AS YOU ARE!” Stefan couldn’t accept that Elena no longer loved him and being a vampire is NOT THE WORST THING EVER and Damon could not accept that maybe someone actually loved him and Elena would could evolve past this phase if given some goddamn time.
The way Stefan patronizes her and Damon smarms at her make me wish for a very large vervain bomb. Or at least stuff them in vervain boxer briefs.
Caroline and Matt talk and I remember a time I wanted them together. A time when Caroline was sweet and made a lovely friend. This scene reminds me of all the ways I loved her and the ways she can be thoughtful. Ordering caps and gowns for everyone is perfectly her.
Rebekah shows up and I want to hug her. She brought food, knowing there is only blood and bourbon here. Hey! I resent that remark! I always have cupcakes as well. Anyway, she also came to help Matt, because she actually pays attention to him, unlike some people. He is behind in history (Alaric! Drink!), Italian (Seriously? With 2 Salvatores?), and math. Caroline is ultra bitchy to Rebekah and she needs to dial it down a bit. Although Bekah’s “You dated that.” and Matt’s soft smile make it all worth it. I am team #Mabekah and I have no shame about it.
Caroline is off to get flash cards and instead is flashed with a perfect set of dimples on Klilas.
Bonnie was the mcguffin, er, tombstone. She is hiding from Silas because while she has agreed to drop the veil to the other side, she has something else up her sleeve. Bonnie doesn’t want to spill her secret plans to Kat who could easily be made to tell Silas, but Silas no longer has any sway over Bonbon. Kat asks her standard question, “What’s in it for me?” which is perfectly valid. Why should she help the Mystic Falls Gang? Bonnie promises to make it worth her while. So, a lifetime subscription to LeatherWorld magazine?
Next Elena lashes out at Damon and who can blame her since he is currently SETTING HER ON FIRE. But vampire Elena is no dummy and she understands that no matter how much pain they intent to put her through, there is no real chance they will harm her. It’s just a waiting game and she proves it by ripping back the curtains. They spring into action and put out flaming Elena.
Damon is pissed that torture didn’t work and Stefan points out she has nothing to come back for TO THE BEST REASON SHE HAS FOR COMING BACK STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. They discuss who else can bring pain to the person they love and I am too grossed out to write more.
HI! I’m really Klaus! Just ignore the fact I am leading you away from anyone who could hear you scream. It is interesting that when Silas taps into Caroline’s darkest thoughts they are all of Klaus coming to beg her to leave Mystic Falls. Deep down, she knows he’s right. This town will never be enough for her and can you IMAGINE Caroline in New Orleans throwing elaborately themed and costumed parties? She would be in heaven!
Of course this is Klilas and oh my god, is he hot! Raging Klaus is the very definition of UNF and I am A-OK with Silas being inside of him anytime. And then him inside of...you finish the sentence. He wants to know where his witch has gone, but Caroline doesn’t know. One erotic, ear whispering threat later and Caroline is staked and down for the count.
Matt uses product placement to learn Italian while Rebekah cutely teases him. I swear these two are like a basket full of kittens. Or puppies. Or kittens playing with puppies. Rebekah rightly points out the reason he is in this predicament is because of the very people he is afraid will leave him behind.
“You need better friends.” This is so very true.
Rebekah offers to be that better friend and she is exactly right that people use different advantages everyday to get ahead. A family name, political connections, and money are not so different than some compulsion. She says she will never leave him behind and I hope that means she’s taking him to New Orleans when she goes. She could buy the bar Sophie and Replacement Caroline work in and let him run it. SOMEONE CALL JULIE PLEC!
Damon is mean to Matt. (Growls)
Matt tries to get ahold of Caroline who is just coming to. The stake is gone, so she should know Silas is now Milas. Milas threatens Liz, Klilas stops her from getting into the Boarding House, Caroline calls to warn her mother, and Silas appears at her car window. Caroline drives off.
“Oh, honey, you look awful.” Hee. I love Kat. Of course, Kat does nothing out of the goodness of her heart and wants to know why Elijah turned on her. Thinking Elena holds the key, Kat exposes her weakness...Elijah. Girl, he is a weakness to anyone with style. Eyeball feeding is threatened before it really turns ugly. Kat decides the Lexi Plan only leads to narcissistic personality disorders (duh) and decides to let Elena fend for herself. One unlocked safe later and she is outy.
Kat and Damon snipe at each other and Stefan comes in with news that neither may get the girl because Elena has taken advantage if the open safe to jet. Damon claims Matt for the ride along and Bekah is jumping right in to wonder why he needs to be endangered yet again. Matty doesn't listen and goes with Damon. Right here is when my heart fell.
Caroline gets home to Liz who is currently still Liz because she has her cell phone which is like the ultimate symbol of humanity or something.
Elena wanders emaciated and worn out through the woods, as people in horror shows tend to do. Elena does the “victim in need of assistance so I can suck your blood” ruse, but this time it is not ruse as the girl is hurting. It is Matt and she vamps out to go for the throat. He tries to talk her down, but as we all know, the Lexi Plan does not teach control, it teaches all or nothing. So she feeds and I worry.
Bonnie shows up at Casa Forbes and immediately unmasks Liz currently as Silas. When Caroline left Liz alone, Silas must have swooped in to replace her. One less set of door hinges and Bonnie is in, agreeing to whatever he wants as long as her friends are unharmed. Meanwhile, Caroline is doing the vampire version of CPR and Liz doesn’t look so hot. The cure (god, I hate even typing the word when it has nothing to do with that stupid story line) isn’t working.
Elena is trying to get a blood loss weakened Matt up and moving to either drain him more or drive her into town for a snack. The Salvatores swoop in and the moment Damon starts the threaten Matt I actually feel better. No matter how much this season has screwed with character development, there is no way Damon is killing Matt. I knew there had to be a loophole and instantly remembered Elena gave Damon the eternity ring. Matt had to be wearing it. And since Matt is so beautifully human, who better than him to bring Elena’s humanity back? No one, that’s who.
It happens in an instant and Damon is not stupid, He knew it had to be believable and because these idiots always think the worst of him, they think he actually did it. Killed Matt. I can’t tell you how much that irritates me. Anyway, Elena’s reaction is swift and complete. She cannot breath she is so overcome with grief and regret. Damon only tortures her with this for a moment before displaying Jeremy’s ring, but a moment was all she needed for it all to rush back.
And once they start rushing in, they all come back. She is faced with every decision, act, and word from when she was forced to turn her humanity off and Matt’s truck pays the price. Poor Matt and his trucks. Hope Rebekah also bought him auto insurance. Stefan tells her to focus on the thing that makes her want to live and I am SCREAMING DAMON DAMON DAMON FOCUS ON DAMON! Bitch won’t listen.
Damon asks if she’s OK and then immediately winces at the stupidity of his own question.
Caroline now uses a vampire epinephrine shot to jolt old Liz and at first it appears she has gone on to the great police station in the sky, but she pulls through. It truly is a tearful scene, but I am so drained at this point it sorta flows past me.
Matt awakens to a very tense Rebekah who promptly gives him a drink. Hey, if I die and come back, I’d like a drink as well. She tell him that it worked and Elena will be back to her boring old self again. Hah! You forgot stupid, Bekah! She apologizes for her part in all this, but I see her for as much of a pawn as Matt is. She also vows to make things right, but she puts a deadline of graduation, so the girl hasn’t gone all martyr on us. No, that’ll be Elena’s job now that she’s back.
Kat meets up with Bonnie again to hear out the deal she wishes to make. The tombstone contains the blood of Qetsiyah, whom Kat hilariously calls Ketsooyae because she is awesome. Kat has figured out Bonnie has her own scheme beyond Silas. Bonnie offers Kat the one thing she wants more than anything. And end to fear and running. Invulnerability. Kat drools at the very prospect.
Elena sits with the Salvatore brothers and lets them know that along with gaining her humanity, she has lost 50 IQ points. You see, she has decided that Kat is the source of all her issues, WHICH IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS, and wants her dead. *facepalms*
And the Salvatores realize their plan didn’t quite turn out as they had hoped. Oopsy.