I had a nightmare the other day about what could possibly be the very worst thing to happen on this show to ruin things for me. Because I love you all so much, I will tack it onto the end of this recap and you can all share in my misery. As it is, I have a few issues lately I wish to get off my chest. One of the reasons I have always loved this show is that way I have been taken by surprise so often. Anyone following my live tweets knows that very little surprises me at this point. I was calling just about everything that happened before it happened and I don’t read spoilers. Now, some may say the things I called weren’t really that surprising, but that is my point. Which is why I am concerned that my worst fears may come true.
I hope I’m wrong. Now onto the recap where Klaus will writhe around and it won’t be in ecstasy.
Elena and Rebekah’s road trip is going just about as well as expected when two people who really wish to see the other dead decide to spend long quantities of time in a car together. Very similar things happen to me on family vacations and it is damn lucky I never carry a stake. Elena smells like leather, and I imagine so does Stefan after he spends time in Klaus’s Red Room of Pain.
They are travelling through various towns on a quest to find Katherine and her magical vagina. What? She has been able to seduce and sleep with Stefan, Damon, Elijah, and Mason. I imagine it’s a better cure than whatever Silas was holding onto and would irritate me much less if Damon put it in his mouth.
Elena and Rebekah continue to squabble and I am about to threaten to turn this episode around and go home right now, when there is FINALLY a redhead on the show who throws Elena for a spin when calling her Katherine and flashing a wrist hickey. Katherine, being the smartest bitch around, has basically compelled the town into being totally chill with the whole vampire thing and even knowing who she is, but only able to talk about her if they are addressing her directly. Think about that for a moment. Being able to tell someone all of your darkest secrets but they would never be able to spill them to anyone else. Physically impossible. Best. Drinking. Partner. EVER!
They left Damon’s car sit along the side of the road in the middle of nowhere? No wonder he is so intent on doing the stupidest thing ever. He can’t even think straight imagining something evil has befallen her. That is the only explanation I can find for continuing so vehemently with his “force Elena to be human and boring again” crusade. The irritation just rolls off of him in waves and Stefan cannot help himself but to keep poking. Um, Stefan? I do believe Damon has a much better track record of being right about things, so I would pull back on the smug condescension a smidge just because you happened to get the smart pill this week.
Sheriff Forbes did police work? Successfully? Huh.
I am not thrilled over the fact the brothers finally bond and it is over a plan that is thoroughly wrong, pigheaded, and paternalistic. There have got to be better ways to deal with “no emotions” Elena than taking away her agency, but that would mean viewing her as a fully functioning, autonomous person and not just an extension of their own inner demons. They are going to “cure” her right back into living in fear constantly, all the while allowing the zombie apocalypse to happen. Have I mentioned lately I hate the cure storyline?
I feel your pain, Klaus. There is nothing worse than having that itch right in the middle of your back that you cannot reach for the life of you, not matter how you twist and turn. So the tip of an immortal killing white oak stake may be slightly more irritating, but I maintain not by much. He is shirtless, which is always a plus, but it is the sweaty agony kind of shirtless this show pulls on us so we aren’t hit by the full magnitude of hotness that rolls off of some of these people. It’s a precautionary measure so that a million people don’t attempt to lick their TV screens on a weekly basis and be electrocuted. The CW truly does care about you. Unfortunately for them, the sweaty grossness is BY FAR out-weighed by throaty, growly voiced Klaus by a factor of about a billion.
Caroline arrives, and even though this is actually Saroline, it was very believable because she has been so awful lately. It almost appears as if Klaus cowers for a moment, which is the scariest thing I have seen on this show in months. Silas wants the cure and can appear as anyone. I have already seen in my nightmare how this will pan out and I have fears, y’all.
Exactly how small is this town and how long has Kat been here that even the postal worker knows who she is? Look, I’m from Pennsylvania and while I wanted to take offense at some of the jibes...yeah, they are mostly right, but this is ridiculous. This is a cheap version of small town America that DOES NOT EXIST, especially since the town appears to be fairly bustling. The two people they approached knew exactly who Kat was and she had compelled them. NOT POSSIBLE. I imagine the town easily has a couple thousand people and she did not get to every single one. This is lazy storytelling at its finest.
Elena thinks she sees Kat, Kat sneaks up on her and does the signature TVD throat throttle, and Rebekah comes in with her now signature faceplant move on Kat. I want her to do that to a victim every episode and then someone to make a gif with all of them put together. MAKE THIS HAPPEN!
FINALLY! Kat calls the switch the correct thing. It’s a “humanity” switch and not
an “emotion” switch. As I, and others, keep pointing out, there are plenty of emotions going on with the switch off, you just no longer give a fuck about others. I’ve had days like that. “Special Snowflake of Human Frailty” is the most perfect title for old Elena ever. It encapsulates all of the things that were wrong with her and how horrible it is they wish to return her to it. Kat intends to bounce, but gets stabbed in the hand by Rebekah, who I am somehow beginning to love more than ever. She calmly snarks about Kat’s relationship to two Mikaelson brothers, and while it has always been implied and never stated, if Kat actually slept with Klaus as well, then I will consider making a shrine to her vagina because damn. Atta girl.
The three ladies verbally stab at each other and Kat deflects Bekah’s compulsion by stating she is on vervain. Girl, Bex loves to bleed the vervain out of people and I have a feeling she would enjoy torturing you almost as much as she enjoyed doing it to Damon. They discuss motivation and OF COURSE Kat wants to be free of Klaus. She believes giving it to him will call them even. She cannot even fathom why Thelma and Louise would want it, because Kat is smart enough to know that being human suuuuuucks and it sucks even more to be ordinary. The steal Kat’s phone and neither immediately realizes “em” is Elijah Mikaelson which COME ON! The show has already established Vampire Elena is goddamn smart and they were JUST talking about him. More lazy storytelling.
Klaus must have been calling Caroline earlier to come and help him as he talks to her like she is still Silas. The look of relief on his face when he realizes it is actually her is heartbreaking. He actually begs, which shows you the exact level of desperation he has. He really feels he has no one if he is counting on her and he may be right. *Wraps Klaus up in a wooby blanket beside Matt and makes them both cocoa.* He wisely points out that allowing him to die is actually a form of suicide and points to the hardcore sheers on the ground as the tool of choice. Ouch.
Ugh. I hate this little scene between Damon and Stefan because Damon is so emotional in his thinking instead of being the coldly rational one who is ALWAYS RIGHT and Stefan is so fucking smug, I want to throat punch him. Here is a clue boys - YOU ARE BOTH WRONG! The choice is not Evil Cold Killing Machine Elena vs. Perfect Princess Purity Elena, FOR FUCK’S SAKE! The best version of Elena will encompass parts of the old and new and will not be this caricature version that neither of you is right about in the slightest.
Elena puts on more makeup to try and be Kat, but she is so much more than her trappings, even if those trappings include the best hair I have ever seen along with killer clothes and shoes. Her “that ain’t happenin’” eye roll is delicious in reference to said clothing, but then Elena actually asks for the jewelry and shoes. OH, THE HUMANITY! Kat doesn’t give up her daylight bracelet and that is the first time I have heard officially on this show that the daylight jewelry is vampire specific. Huh. At least they swapped jackets, but there is no way Kat would ever be caught in that abomination of a Jessica McClintock dress Elena has on. Prairie girl chic is just not her style. It is amazing watching Elena trying to be Kat because even though they are played by the same actress, Elena’s Kat is unconvincing and very apparently a cheap copy. All the Emmys to Nina Dobrev if the Emmy people ever opened their minds to unconventional dramas that aren’t procedurals.
I want those shoes as well.
Rebekah is all bravado at trying to bring Kat down a notch, because she truly is that insecure and envious of Kat. I don’t believe Bekah has ever had anyone choose her and love her, exactly like Damon. She sees how men have fallen all over Kat and been willing to betray anyone for her and that can be very tempting. Kat, of course, calls her on all this bullshit and points out becoming human will not improve her self-esteem. I think Bekah is very honest when she says she wants to choose how to die. The cure may be more about death to her than normalcy. Stefan and Damon arrive just in time to keep Bekah from ripping Kat’s heart out.
Sorry, but that surprised look and lifeless hair should have been enough to tip off Elijah before the kiss that was OF COURSE going to give it away, and yet somehow doesn’t. He did seem to be leading with his penis, so the loss of blood may have affected his mind and eyesight. The tipoff is apparently Elena’s daylight ring, which is the LEAST OBVIOUS PART OF THIS FUCKING RUSE! Gah!
Kat gives up the info that Elena is meeting her friend, and when she says friend she means friend. The reaction by the tablemates is priceless and not just because it is so over the top with contempt, but it is because it is the exact response a Republican (SHUT IT, IT’S ALWAYS A REPUBLICAN) Senator has to gays until they are caught with a rentboy. What I mean is, they each would fuck the snot out of Kat if given a chance and I include Rebekah in that.
Rebekah spills the details on the meet-up and Stefan puts it together that Kat is using Elijah as a go between with Klaus to secure her freedom.
Caroline digs at Klaus’s heart, quite literally, but cannot find any piece of stake. She wises up to the fact she has a bargaining chip for Tyler’s return and Klaus is none too pleased.
Elijah and Stefan threaten back and forth and Stefan calls them “Team Good Guys”. That is all you really need to know about Stefan in a fucking nutshell. His group is entirely OK with a supernatural apocalypse and random people dying as long as it isn’t one of theirs, being a Rippah and other atrocities too many to mention and he still thinks he’s a good guy.
The hypocrisy continues with Elena claiming ELijah is not a man of honor because he is banging Kat, while Elena has been with Stefan and Damon, two monsters. Don’t get me wrong. I love these monsters, well at least one of them, but stop thinking your side is virtuous because it damn well isn’t. Elena does, however let Elijah know he is not clued in to all of Kat’s failings and he is taken aback.
They go to Kat’s safe house and Damon tries to make Katherining happen, and no. It’s no Lexi’d. I instantly know that Julie Plec has seen A Fish Called Wanda because OF COURSE the cure, or at least the box for the cure is in the fishtank. No one buys the idea she kept it in a safe and is missing. They decide to search the house with Rebekah checking Kat’s upstairs and Damon checking her down and if that sentence isn’t the opening for naughty fanfiction, nothing is. Damon figures it out and puts his hand right in the fish tank filled with vervain water which Kat did last time she hid the moonstone. Learn something, people! AND NEVER TURN YOUR BACK ON KAT! She tosses the vial knowing Bex will dive for it and out the door she goes.
“Don’t even think about it!” So Bekah immediately takes it and OF COURSE it isn’t the cure.
Klaus ups the sexiness factor by a billion more with extra guttural shouts and anger. He and Caroline try to one-up each other on who is the bigger villain and while there is no doubt that Klaus is, he makes a convincing argument for why these people are not heroes. There is much talk of trust, which how could they ever truly trust each other? Doesn’t matter, because this fight is damn hot and I am screaming KISS at the screen with every spittle-flecked barb. The sexual tension is severe enough to bring Klaus around to the realization that Silas was just fucking with his head the whole time and there is no white oak fragment in his back. His hand shakes with the realization that someone could screw with his mind and with appreciation over Caroline standing up to him enough to get his mind off the “compulsion”. Caroline realizes that if Silas can get into the dark recesses of Klaus’s mind and do damage, they are all FUCKED.
Indignant Stefan makes me stabby.
Bekah wakes up still a vampire. Duh.
Elena argues with Elijah about the permanent changes to Kat, but she is of course only talking about herself. Every word has NOTHING to do with what Kat is or isn’t. It is about how she sees herself, which should be a clue as to what she needs. Are we ready people? What have I said over and over they all need more than anything? Shall I stamp it on all of their foreheads? ACCEPTANCE. The denial is so thick with all of them. And stop confusing denial with hope.
Elena - ACCEPT that you were never the sweet, innocent girl and you can be a decent vampire.
Stefan - ACCEPT that you were never the hero in this story and there is a middle ground between Rippah and self-righteous.
Damon - ACCEPT that your father’s view of you is not the only one and it is not your job to live down to those expectations.
Rebekah - ACCEPT that you have an idealized version of humanity and no cure will bring you peace.
Klaus - ACCEPT that no one will love you like I do and run away with me.
God, that felt good.
Almost as good as it felt to Kat to snap Elena’s neck, I’m sure.
Rebekah is not cured. Duh.
Elijah and Kat war over her methods of survival and the truth is that Kat does see everything she does as a way to survive and the bodies trailing behind her as collateral damage. The girl has been running for so long and so paranoid that she can never let her guard down, which is why when she eventually gives the cure to Elijah, it proves to me at least that her feelings are true. Plus, his hair is better than Stefan’s THERE I SAID IT!
Rebekah asks for the cure and Elijah can’t see she wants it because she is tired. I don’t believe humanity, having babies, being normal has a damn thing to do with it. And when he asks why she believes their family is a burden I officially agree with him that he is not the smart brother. Their family has been a burden to Bekah. Always with the daggering and the killing of lovers and the deception and betrayal against the most loyal of members amongst them. Rebekah has stood by this clan for 1000 years of torment and she deserves some peace in whatever form she can find it.
Klaus calls Rebekah and finds out the part Elijah has been playing.
Have you ever heard a more chilling threat than Klaus saying they’ll “settle this like family”?
Klaus thanks Caroline and there is almost a tender moment that she is able to resist even with the dimple flash. He makes a concession that while he does not want Tyler back in Mystic Falls, he’s not really looking.
More Damon and Stefan bonding which would normally make me happy because I do so want them to get along. They are brothers and they love each other no matter how much they wish to deny it, but the thing they are discussing, forcing a choice onto Elena, is so vile I want to clunk both of their heads together. Hard. Repeatedly.
Now, I am all for Stefan getting a life of his own, but he sure as shit isn’t leaving town.
And even though getting and giving the cure to Elena is WRONG, Damon has always been unselfish when it comes to her. He truly believes this is the best thing for her and that although he may lose her, he’ll do it anyway.
Elena tells them flat out she doesn’t want the cure and they reject the notion. It may be her off switch talking partially, but she was accepting it before that happened. They pretty much blow off her promise of consequences, so she feels a demonstration is in order. Enjoy your SAG card, anonymous waitress!
THIS IS NOT A SPOILER BUT SPECULATION
Damon is desperate to give the cure to Elena because he is a lovesick idiot. He will be the one to find the cure, or steal it somehow and he will go to Elena to give it to her. The only problem is, it will be Silas wearing an Elena face. Silas will be cured, but there is a loophole, because duh and witches suck. The loophole is that whichever immortal gives the cure to Silas will also be cured in the process, thus human Damon. Damon will be the only one cured other than Silas, but he will be miserable. Keeping with the witches suck theme, it will not be possible for Damon to turn immediately back into a vampire. He may even attempt it only to find himself still human. His torment will be so great that Elena and Stefan will team up to try and help him, possibly even going on a road trip together which will serve the dual purpose of ruining TVD road trips for me and restarting the triangle.
Abby will stay in town to take care of a guilt-ridden Bonnie who instead of going dark, will now have a Mother Teresa complex a mile wide. Matt will have a heart attack when he gets the electric bill from trying to air condition Lockwood Manor during a Virginia summer and will join Jeremy in trying to find another series on the CW. Klaus leaves Mystic Falls because the doppelganger line is completely finished, taking Rebekah and Elijah with him to return to their old stomping grounds in New Orleans. Klaus leaving will cause Caroline to be even more bitter and sanctimonious and Tyler will just say “fuck this noise” and not return to Mystic Falls at all.
There. I neatly encapsulated all that can be found in my worst nightmares storylines. Anyone else need a drink?
I hope I’m wrong. Now onto the recap where Klaus will writhe around and it won’t be in ecstasy.
Elena and Rebekah’s road trip is going just about as well as expected when two people who really wish to see the other dead decide to spend long quantities of time in a car together. Very similar things happen to me on family vacations and it is damn lucky I never carry a stake. Elena smells like leather, and I imagine so does Stefan after he spends time in Klaus’s Red Room of Pain.
They are travelling through various towns on a quest to find Katherine and her magical vagina. What? She has been able to seduce and sleep with Stefan, Damon, Elijah, and Mason. I imagine it’s a better cure than whatever Silas was holding onto and would irritate me much less if Damon put it in his mouth.
Elena and Rebekah continue to squabble and I am about to threaten to turn this episode around and go home right now, when there is FINALLY a redhead on the show who throws Elena for a spin when calling her Katherine and flashing a wrist hickey. Katherine, being the smartest bitch around, has basically compelled the town into being totally chill with the whole vampire thing and even knowing who she is, but only able to talk about her if they are addressing her directly. Think about that for a moment. Being able to tell someone all of your darkest secrets but they would never be able to spill them to anyone else. Physically impossible. Best. Drinking. Partner. EVER!
They left Damon’s car sit along the side of the road in the middle of nowhere? No wonder he is so intent on doing the stupidest thing ever. He can’t even think straight imagining something evil has befallen her. That is the only explanation I can find for continuing so vehemently with his “force Elena to be human and boring again” crusade. The irritation just rolls off of him in waves and Stefan cannot help himself but to keep poking. Um, Stefan? I do believe Damon has a much better track record of being right about things, so I would pull back on the smug condescension a smidge just because you happened to get the smart pill this week.
Sheriff Forbes did police work? Successfully? Huh.
I am not thrilled over the fact the brothers finally bond and it is over a plan that is thoroughly wrong, pigheaded, and paternalistic. There have got to be better ways to deal with “no emotions” Elena than taking away her agency, but that would mean viewing her as a fully functioning, autonomous person and not just an extension of their own inner demons. They are going to “cure” her right back into living in fear constantly, all the while allowing the zombie apocalypse to happen. Have I mentioned lately I hate the cure storyline?
I feel your pain, Klaus. There is nothing worse than having that itch right in the middle of your back that you cannot reach for the life of you, not matter how you twist and turn. So the tip of an immortal killing white oak stake may be slightly more irritating, but I maintain not by much. He is shirtless, which is always a plus, but it is the sweaty agony kind of shirtless this show pulls on us so we aren’t hit by the full magnitude of hotness that rolls off of some of these people. It’s a precautionary measure so that a million people don’t attempt to lick their TV screens on a weekly basis and be electrocuted. The CW truly does care about you. Unfortunately for them, the sweaty grossness is BY FAR out-weighed by throaty, growly voiced Klaus by a factor of about a billion.
Caroline arrives, and even though this is actually Saroline, it was very believable because she has been so awful lately. It almost appears as if Klaus cowers for a moment, which is the scariest thing I have seen on this show in months. Silas wants the cure and can appear as anyone. I have already seen in my nightmare how this will pan out and I have fears, y’all.
Exactly how small is this town and how long has Kat been here that even the postal worker knows who she is? Look, I’m from Pennsylvania and while I wanted to take offense at some of the jibes...yeah, they are mostly right, but this is ridiculous. This is a cheap version of small town America that DOES NOT EXIST, especially since the town appears to be fairly bustling. The two people they approached knew exactly who Kat was and she had compelled them. NOT POSSIBLE. I imagine the town easily has a couple thousand people and she did not get to every single one. This is lazy storytelling at its finest.
Elena thinks she sees Kat, Kat sneaks up on her and does the signature TVD throat throttle, and Rebekah comes in with her now signature faceplant move on Kat. I want her to do that to a victim every episode and then someone to make a gif with all of them put together. MAKE THIS HAPPEN!
FINALLY! Kat calls the switch the correct thing. It’s a “humanity” switch and not
an “emotion” switch. As I, and others, keep pointing out, there are plenty of emotions going on with the switch off, you just no longer give a fuck about others. I’ve had days like that. “Special Snowflake of Human Frailty” is the most perfect title for old Elena ever. It encapsulates all of the things that were wrong with her and how horrible it is they wish to return her to it. Kat intends to bounce, but gets stabbed in the hand by Rebekah, who I am somehow beginning to love more than ever. She calmly snarks about Kat’s relationship to two Mikaelson brothers, and while it has always been implied and never stated, if Kat actually slept with Klaus as well, then I will consider making a shrine to her vagina because damn. Atta girl.
The three ladies verbally stab at each other and Kat deflects Bekah’s compulsion by stating she is on vervain. Girl, Bex loves to bleed the vervain out of people and I have a feeling she would enjoy torturing you almost as much as she enjoyed doing it to Damon. They discuss motivation and OF COURSE Kat wants to be free of Klaus. She believes giving it to him will call them even. She cannot even fathom why Thelma and Louise would want it, because Kat is smart enough to know that being human suuuuuucks and it sucks even more to be ordinary. The steal Kat’s phone and neither immediately realizes “em” is Elijah Mikaelson which COME ON! The show has already established Vampire Elena is goddamn smart and they were JUST talking about him. More lazy storytelling.
Klaus must have been calling Caroline earlier to come and help him as he talks to her like she is still Silas. The look of relief on his face when he realizes it is actually her is heartbreaking. He actually begs, which shows you the exact level of desperation he has. He really feels he has no one if he is counting on her and he may be right. *Wraps Klaus up in a wooby blanket beside Matt and makes them both cocoa.* He wisely points out that allowing him to die is actually a form of suicide and points to the hardcore sheers on the ground as the tool of choice. Ouch.
Ugh. I hate this little scene between Damon and Stefan because Damon is so emotional in his thinking instead of being the coldly rational one who is ALWAYS RIGHT and Stefan is so fucking smug, I want to throat punch him. Here is a clue boys - YOU ARE BOTH WRONG! The choice is not Evil Cold Killing Machine Elena vs. Perfect Princess Purity Elena, FOR FUCK’S SAKE! The best version of Elena will encompass parts of the old and new and will not be this caricature version that neither of you is right about in the slightest.
Elena puts on more makeup to try and be Kat, but she is so much more than her trappings, even if those trappings include the best hair I have ever seen along with killer clothes and shoes. Her “that ain’t happenin’” eye roll is delicious in reference to said clothing, but then Elena actually asks for the jewelry and shoes. OH, THE HUMANITY! Kat doesn’t give up her daylight bracelet and that is the first time I have heard officially on this show that the daylight jewelry is vampire specific. Huh. At least they swapped jackets, but there is no way Kat would ever be caught in that abomination of a Jessica McClintock dress Elena has on. Prairie girl chic is just not her style. It is amazing watching Elena trying to be Kat because even though they are played by the same actress, Elena’s Kat is unconvincing and very apparently a cheap copy. All the Emmys to Nina Dobrev if the Emmy people ever opened their minds to unconventional dramas that aren’t procedurals.
I want those shoes as well.
Rebekah is all bravado at trying to bring Kat down a notch, because she truly is that insecure and envious of Kat. I don’t believe Bekah has ever had anyone choose her and love her, exactly like Damon. She sees how men have fallen all over Kat and been willing to betray anyone for her and that can be very tempting. Kat, of course, calls her on all this bullshit and points out becoming human will not improve her self-esteem. I think Bekah is very honest when she says she wants to choose how to die. The cure may be more about death to her than normalcy. Stefan and Damon arrive just in time to keep Bekah from ripping Kat’s heart out.
Sorry, but that surprised look and lifeless hair should have been enough to tip off Elijah before the kiss that was OF COURSE going to give it away, and yet somehow doesn’t. He did seem to be leading with his penis, so the loss of blood may have affected his mind and eyesight. The tipoff is apparently Elena’s daylight ring, which is the LEAST OBVIOUS PART OF THIS FUCKING RUSE! Gah!
Kat gives up the info that Elena is meeting her friend, and when she says friend she means friend. The reaction by the tablemates is priceless and not just because it is so over the top with contempt, but it is because it is the exact response a Republican (SHUT IT, IT’S ALWAYS A REPUBLICAN) Senator has to gays until they are caught with a rentboy. What I mean is, they each would fuck the snot out of Kat if given a chance and I include Rebekah in that.
Rebekah spills the details on the meet-up and Stefan puts it together that Kat is using Elijah as a go between with Klaus to secure her freedom.
Caroline digs at Klaus’s heart, quite literally, but cannot find any piece of stake. She wises up to the fact she has a bargaining chip for Tyler’s return and Klaus is none too pleased.
Elijah and Stefan threaten back and forth and Stefan calls them “Team Good Guys”. That is all you really need to know about Stefan in a fucking nutshell. His group is entirely OK with a supernatural apocalypse and random people dying as long as it isn’t one of theirs, being a Rippah and other atrocities too many to mention and he still thinks he’s a good guy.
The hypocrisy continues with Elena claiming ELijah is not a man of honor because he is banging Kat, while Elena has been with Stefan and Damon, two monsters. Don’t get me wrong. I love these monsters, well at least one of them, but stop thinking your side is virtuous because it damn well isn’t. Elena does, however let Elijah know he is not clued in to all of Kat’s failings and he is taken aback.
They go to Kat’s safe house and Damon tries to make Katherining happen, and no. It’s no Lexi’d. I instantly know that Julie Plec has seen A Fish Called Wanda because OF COURSE the cure, or at least the box for the cure is in the fishtank. No one buys the idea she kept it in a safe and is missing. They decide to search the house with Rebekah checking Kat’s upstairs and Damon checking her down and if that sentence isn’t the opening for naughty fanfiction, nothing is. Damon figures it out and puts his hand right in the fish tank filled with vervain water which Kat did last time she hid the moonstone. Learn something, people! AND NEVER TURN YOUR BACK ON KAT! She tosses the vial knowing Bex will dive for it and out the door she goes.
“Don’t even think about it!” So Bekah immediately takes it and OF COURSE it isn’t the cure.
Klaus ups the sexiness factor by a billion more with extra guttural shouts and anger. He and Caroline try to one-up each other on who is the bigger villain and while there is no doubt that Klaus is, he makes a convincing argument for why these people are not heroes. There is much talk of trust, which how could they ever truly trust each other? Doesn’t matter, because this fight is damn hot and I am screaming KISS at the screen with every spittle-flecked barb. The sexual tension is severe enough to bring Klaus around to the realization that Silas was just fucking with his head the whole time and there is no white oak fragment in his back. His hand shakes with the realization that someone could screw with his mind and with appreciation over Caroline standing up to him enough to get his mind off the “compulsion”. Caroline realizes that if Silas can get into the dark recesses of Klaus’s mind and do damage, they are all FUCKED.
Indignant Stefan makes me stabby.
Bekah wakes up still a vampire. Duh.
Elena argues with Elijah about the permanent changes to Kat, but she is of course only talking about herself. Every word has NOTHING to do with what Kat is or isn’t. It is about how she sees herself, which should be a clue as to what she needs. Are we ready people? What have I said over and over they all need more than anything? Shall I stamp it on all of their foreheads? ACCEPTANCE. The denial is so thick with all of them. And stop confusing denial with hope.
Elena - ACCEPT that you were never the sweet, innocent girl and you can be a decent vampire.
Stefan - ACCEPT that you were never the hero in this story and there is a middle ground between Rippah and self-righteous.
Damon - ACCEPT that your father’s view of you is not the only one and it is not your job to live down to those expectations.
Rebekah - ACCEPT that you have an idealized version of humanity and no cure will bring you peace.
Klaus - ACCEPT that no one will love you like I do and run away with me.
God, that felt good.
Almost as good as it felt to Kat to snap Elena’s neck, I’m sure.
Rebekah is not cured. Duh.
Elijah and Kat war over her methods of survival and the truth is that Kat does see everything she does as a way to survive and the bodies trailing behind her as collateral damage. The girl has been running for so long and so paranoid that she can never let her guard down, which is why when she eventually gives the cure to Elijah, it proves to me at least that her feelings are true. Plus, his hair is better than Stefan’s THERE I SAID IT!
Rebekah asks for the cure and Elijah can’t see she wants it because she is tired. I don’t believe humanity, having babies, being normal has a damn thing to do with it. And when he asks why she believes their family is a burden I officially agree with him that he is not the smart brother. Their family has been a burden to Bekah. Always with the daggering and the killing of lovers and the deception and betrayal against the most loyal of members amongst them. Rebekah has stood by this clan for 1000 years of torment and she deserves some peace in whatever form she can find it.
Klaus calls Rebekah and finds out the part Elijah has been playing.
Have you ever heard a more chilling threat than Klaus saying they’ll “settle this like family”?
Klaus thanks Caroline and there is almost a tender moment that she is able to resist even with the dimple flash. He makes a concession that while he does not want Tyler back in Mystic Falls, he’s not really looking.
More Damon and Stefan bonding which would normally make me happy because I do so want them to get along. They are brothers and they love each other no matter how much they wish to deny it, but the thing they are discussing, forcing a choice onto Elena, is so vile I want to clunk both of their heads together. Hard. Repeatedly.
Now, I am all for Stefan getting a life of his own, but he sure as shit isn’t leaving town.
And even though getting and giving the cure to Elena is WRONG, Damon has always been unselfish when it comes to her. He truly believes this is the best thing for her and that although he may lose her, he’ll do it anyway.
Elena tells them flat out she doesn’t want the cure and they reject the notion. It may be her off switch talking partially, but she was accepting it before that happened. They pretty much blow off her promise of consequences, so she feels a demonstration is in order. Enjoy your SAG card, anonymous waitress!
THIS IS NOT A SPOILER BUT SPECULATION
Damon is desperate to give the cure to Elena because he is a lovesick idiot. He will be the one to find the cure, or steal it somehow and he will go to Elena to give it to her. The only problem is, it will be Silas wearing an Elena face. Silas will be cured, but there is a loophole, because duh and witches suck. The loophole is that whichever immortal gives the cure to Silas will also be cured in the process, thus human Damon. Damon will be the only one cured other than Silas, but he will be miserable. Keeping with the witches suck theme, it will not be possible for Damon to turn immediately back into a vampire. He may even attempt it only to find himself still human. His torment will be so great that Elena and Stefan will team up to try and help him, possibly even going on a road trip together which will serve the dual purpose of ruining TVD road trips for me and restarting the triangle.
Abby will stay in town to take care of a guilt-ridden Bonnie who instead of going dark, will now have a Mother Teresa complex a mile wide. Matt will have a heart attack when he gets the electric bill from trying to air condition Lockwood Manor during a Virginia summer and will join Jeremy in trying to find another series on the CW. Klaus leaves Mystic Falls because the doppelganger line is completely finished, taking Rebekah and Elijah with him to return to their old stomping grounds in New Orleans. Klaus leaving will cause Caroline to be even more bitter and sanctimonious and Tyler will just say “fuck this noise” and not return to Mystic Falls at all.
There. I neatly encapsulated all that can be found in my worst nightmares storylines. Anyone else need a drink?